Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Gazing At A New Datebook For A New Year

Pages flip with cooperation of
Index finger and thumb.
A purr of flickering whiteness:
Respectful, quiet, numb.

It’s way too soon to divine what
Kind of year it will be:
The handwriting isn’t on the wall
Where anyone can see.

A prayer descends like a shadow
Eager to be bestowing
Strength to deal with whatever
Spitballs fate is throwing.


Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Embattled Rep. Scalisi Claims He Was Unaware He Gave A Speech To White Supremacists

Steve must’ve done this when he was really young
Which is a perfectly honest defense.
So, cut him some slack! Wait: he was thirty-seven?
Oh, then these complaints make sense.

Monday, December 29, 2014

Thoughts About Our Digital Age

Those who are convinced that apps will be
A perennial should be aware
They’re perhaps like wine coolers from back
When Bruce Willis had hair.

Mulling Over That New Seth Rogan-James Franco Movie

The interview in "The Interview"
Is nothing more than slick hoax:
Freedom's just another word
For lots and lots of dick jokes.


Wednesday, December 24, 2014

A Post-9/11 Christmas

(This took place circa 2008.)

An L.A. Valley College parking lot had been
Appropriated during these
Weeks before Santa’s arrival to sell some fir,
Pine, cedar & cypress trees.

There weren’t many trees left. The salesman
(A sleazy “Jersey Shore” kind of guido)
Was barking into his phone, one imagines to
His stewardess girlfriend in San Pedro.

Then he saw her walk onto the lot: somehow
I sensed this would be an epic fail.
She was tiny, quiet, from the Middle East and
(Good guess) was wearing a veil.

He forced a smile at her. She nodded and then he
Said into his cell, “I’d like to fling this
Muslim woman right off the lot --- I’d bet heavy
She can barely speak a word of English.”

She hovered beside the saddest tree on the lot --- to him
This was worthy of derisive laughter.
It didn’t look like a tree anyone took home but like those
Seen unsold on a lot the day after.

“How much?” she asked. He gazed with contempt
And then blurted out, “Fifty.” One
Then noticed she gave him the once over and felt
That he, not she, was the shifty one.

He just lost it. “Get the hell out of here. Go home
To your Koran and your kebobs ---
You … people … please … you disgust me with your
Body odor & convenience store jobs.”

She knew she was being disrespected in ways
That made her feel both hated & also dirty.
Her vocabulary was limited but sufficient: she
Looked at him, the tree & shot back, “Thirty.”

Did this piss him off? Do you really have to ask?
Oh, yeah. Not a little but plenty.
He swore and yelled and then swore some more
Until she calmly replied, “Twenty.”

I left before this transaction ended which sort of
Makes it difficult to finish this poem:
I bet she kept haggling until he broke down and
Gave her $10 to take it and go home.


Thursday, December 18, 2014

Boston Uber Driver Accused Of Rape

It seems when this company does its hiring
It so often manages to get jerks:
It’s officially become the Bill Cosby of app-
Based transportation networks.…/alejandro-done-boston-uber-…

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Ed Ruscha

New York had Warhol
Toss him a bouquet
But Los Angeles has
The artist Ed Ruscha.

His cool word paintings
Are sly, often jokey
(Ruscha, by the way, is
A bona fide Okie.)

“Art is something that
Makes you scratch your head”
Is something that Ruscha
Once memorably said.

Ruscha’s very first books? They
Were all DIY
Most bookstores didn’t want ‘em
Which is why

Ed asked a guy named Joe
To please give ‘em a look
And maybe put them on
Shelves of the Book Nook:

Joe’s teensy bookstore, just
A tiny part
Of Brentwood’s Brentwood
Country Mart.

Joe said okay and soon his
Customers did see
These most curious art books
Practically for free.

This guy who I knew way way
Back in the day
Bought every Ruscha book there
But gave ‘em away

To friends as hip gifts, totally lacking
The rationale to
Realize these would wind up as things
Of great value.

Good guess: I was that guy and this poor
Judgment broke my heart.
However, it later made me regard myself
As a work of Art.

What a dope! What was I thinking? I often
Want to yell. Still
If that doesn’t make you scratch your head,
What the hell will?

Friday, December 5, 2014

Headline In The Guardian: “Christie cleared again of involvement in New Jersey ‘Bridgegate’ scandal”

This decision was recently reached by what
One could characterize as acres
Of people who are known to the public as
New Jersey state lawmakers.

Good for Chris! It’ll all clear sailing now ---
No one should be in any way hesitant
To immediately stop calling him “Governor”
And start calling him “Mr. President.”

Goodbye, Garden State! Hello, Washington D.C.!
Hold on --- I don’t really want to hit a dissonant
Note, but I just saw the story’s last line: “The US
Attorney’s office is still investigating the incident.”

Gee, that takes all of the fun out of that headline
And makes me a bit wary --- it
Seems like accidentally putting the lead in a hole,
If not actually deciding to bury it.…/chris-christie-cleared-again-n…


Bill Cosby’s Shocking New Accuser: Dr. Cliff Huxtable

The fictional obstetrician on "The Cosby Show"
In 1988 was on quite a roll
When he met Cosby one night at a jazz festival
At the Hollywood Bowl.

"Bill invited me to the Playboy Mansion and
He was very polite, not frisky,
As he suggested I drink a glass of what he
Said was 75-year-old whiskey.”

I woke up disoriented & naked hours later
And wasn’t feeling any better
When I saw Mr. Cosby wearing nothing but
My ugly, multi-colored sweater.

Cosby said I’d had too much to drink ---
What he did next gave me a chill:
He walked near the bed I was in, winked
And gave me a $100 dollar bill.”

Dr. Huxtable wiped away a tear & admitted,
“I’m lucky to still be alive.
I had a thriving practice then. $100? Really?
I was worth at least 5.”…/uploads/2013/08/cosby-sweater_o…


Thursday, December 4, 2014

I Take Back Every Bad Thing I’ve Written About Cosby

(That is, however, if I get Bill 
To agree
To give me an honorary

He literally gave one to singer Jill Scott in May
Which anyone with a brain may feel
Is the reason she’s spoken up on Twitter about
How Bill has lately gotten a raw deal.

The bottom line is I’m willing to help Bill
During his bitter current adversity
But only with a signed contract promising
A degree from Temple University.)…/jill_scott_receives_honorary_docto…


Wednesday, December 3, 2014

New Sexual Abuse Allegation About Cosby Involves A 15-Year-Old Girl In 1974

I’m quite dumbfounded but not by this claim.
My incredulity simply is this:
How did Bill find time away from forced sex
For a career in show business?

Why Cosby Had To Step Down From Temple University Board

One victim was from that school
Where Mr. Cosby was a trustee.
It reminds us of that children’s
Charity run by Jerry Sandusky.

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

“Rookie Black Cop Who Repeatedly Shot Wealthy Unarmed White Teen Won’t Face Charges”

Change is needed in America but the speed
At which it moves is often glacial.
The day that headline is real --- not fake ---
Will mean our society’s post-racial.


Tuesday, November 25, 2014

A Thousand Words

This Ferguson photograph that
I've just seen
Is America's Christmas card
For 2014.…/ferguson-seasons-…

Thoughts After Watching St. Louis County Prosecutor Bob McCulloch's Endless News Conference

The truth is simple and needs few words
But there’s no denying
That anyone who goes on and on and on
Is --- as a rule --- lying.…/bob-mcculloch-ferguson_n_62…


Thursday, November 20, 2014

Iconic British Entertainer Jimmy Saville Sexually Abused At Least 450 People

“Mr. Cosby --- I’m talking to you from
Out here in the great beyond.
I wish that I could make your troubles
Vanish with some magic wand.

Nonetheless, I’m sorry to report I can’t
And even at the risk of being rude
I must point out you are at this moment
Colossally & massively screwed.

I have no problem with drugging people.
It’s just a matter of course
For guys like us. Unlike you, however,
I usually just used force.

The thing that has you feeling like you
Were stabbed with a knife, I’m
Afraid was the error of letting yourself
Be found out in your lifetime.

Didn’t you get the celebrity memo
That contained the exit plan?
It’s always best to be six feet under
When the shit hits the fan.”…/Jimmy_Savile_sexual_abuse_scandal


Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Bill Cosby Often Met Aspiring Young Actresses Through His William Morris Representatives

As the besieged star’s career remains
Sadly limping, what barges
In is the thought that his agents should
Be up on pimping charges.

Monday, November 17, 2014

NPR 1, Dr. Huxtable 0

When Scott Simon got in Cosby's face
I regarded this as a chance
For Bill to know how it feels to deal
With an unwanted advance.

Thursday, November 13, 2014

The Lesson Regarding A Triple Murderer Who’s On A Hunger Strike To Protest Not Receiving Kosher Meals

If towards a life of crime you find
Yourself beginning to teeter
Don’t do it if you’re already aware
That you’re a fussy eater.…/stor…/U/US_HOME_INVASION_KOSHER_DIET…

Friday, November 7, 2014

The Most Honest Republican In America Weighs In On The Midterm Elections

“Anthony from San Diego” called a C-SPAN show.
The impact couldn’t have been bigger
And he boldly announced, “This is about race ---
The Republicans hate that nigger … ”

This is what they say behind closed doors:
Perhaps he (without a care craves)
To speak from his heart these dark thoughts
And then share them on the airwaves.

The right wing winds that are now blowing
Aren’t warm but rather glacial
And Anthony helps put the lie to their meme
That America’s now post-racial.…/cspan-caller-obama-n-word


Wednesday, November 5, 2014

For Republicans, It’s Like 2010 --- On Steroids

The defeat for both Democrats 
And Obama is immense ---
Let the GOP's inability to govern
And overreaching commence.

Friday, October 31, 2014

Alleged Cop Killer Eric Frein Captured

In earlier times, Frein often engaged in
Something with an odd appellation:
This weekend warrior would participate
In “recreational military simulation.”

His was fond of portraying a Serbian soldier.
In this get-up, he looked tough & calm.
Frein felt he was a real bad-ass. (Point of fact:
He lived at home with his dad & mom.)

To hell with guys who wear Civil War garb.
I feel right about here it’s my duty
To note his being a Serbian soldier was his
Way of being a reenactor foodie.

Too bad he hadn’t fought when caught
And just been blown away ---
Now we’ll have to hear each and every
Warped thought he has to say.

Crackpot survivalist theories will receive
His public endorsement.
Ditto grudges against the Boy Scouts as
Well as law enforcement.

Meanwhile, family, friends and local cops will
All be very patient as they wait
For a death sentence to be carried out to give
Frein his Tim McVeigh play date.


Hunger (And Irony) In America

If you want something to eat
And ask strangers, this
Is regarded as something that
Is unquestionably amiss.

But if you do this on Halloween
All is fine and dandy ---
Those aforementioned strangers
Happily hand over candy.

We’re all part of the same food chain
Where we do our daily climbing:
Survival there so often depends on
Something as simple as timing.


Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Prominent New York Orthodox Rabbi Videotaped Women Taking Ritual Baths At His Temple

If these gals found out about being spied on, my plan
For their revenge would be
Frolicking in the water while discussing what diners
Nearby had the best BLT.

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Let Us Now Praise Famous Lies

“It tastes like chicken.”
“All I did was flirt.”
“I got stuck in traffic.”
“This shot won’t hurt.”

“Your table’s almost ready.”
“This procedure’s nearly done.”
“The check is in the mail.”
“The perp went for my gun.”

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Boston Herald Cartoonist Insists Obama-Watermelon Joke Was Unintentional

Jerry Holbert … you needed a better lie, one
That folks could possibly believe.
Having been an editorial cartoonist, trust me:
None of us are remotely “na├»ve.”


Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Hold On: Issa Is Mad At Secret Service Chief Julia Pierson For White House Security Breaches?

Considering his loathing for President Obama
Why would Darryl want to peddle
Such complaints? I bet those lapses thrilled him
And he’d like to give her a medal.


Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Kris Jenner Files For Divorce

In related news, Bruce Jenner (sources
Now insist he can)
Admit he’s “consciously uncoupling”
From being a man.

After his sex change is completed, he’ll
Look different but still dapper
And will later marry an NBA star after
Making a sex tape with a rapper.


Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Vice Chair Of Arizona Republicans Resigns After Saying Poor Women Should Be Sterilized

Considering how Neanderthal the GOP’s become
One can understand the commotion ---
Party elders should have thought about this more
And given Russell Pearce a promotion.

Monday, September 15, 2014

Michael Vick, Ray Rice, Adrian Peterson

Beat your dog, your wife, your child.
As long as there are end zone dances
League officials look the other way:
Another round of second chances.

Beat your wife, your dog, your child.
No matter if the media is caught up
In a frenzy, it’ll pass soon enough ---
“This is the way I was brought up.”

Beat your child, your dog, your wife.
Don’t think this is fatal at all. Should
You panic, just remember your faith ---
“God told me that ‘it’s all good.’”

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Friday, September 5, 2014

Sunday, August 31, 2014

Housing Group Claims It Could Take At Least 20 Years To Rebuild Gaza

Israel wanted to bomb Palestinians into the Stone Age
But damage done there to the firma, terra
Suggests that they only were able to bomb them back
Into the President Bill Clinton era.

Professor Says People Indulge In Fattening County Fair Food To “Connect With Something Larger Than Themselves”

If you eat a Twinkie stuffed with a Twix 
Wrapped in bacon that is also deep fried
You should expect that the word “larger”
Is one that soon is going to be applied.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Buffalo Scrabble Expert Didn’t Win Championship But Deserves Award

Mike Przybyszewski is entitled
To a little bit of vast fame
Just for eventually having learned
How to spell his last name.

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

James Gandolfini, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Robin Williams

The irony of this reality
For me has never decreased ---
Why do so many who are loved the most
Seem to love themselves the least?

Monday, August 11, 2014

1974-2014 Cultural Update

If Nixon were alive today, it would
Be a gimme
He’d be horrified to see stamps of
Janis & Jimi.

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Second Amendment Supporters Will Love This New Children’s Book: “My Parents Open Carry”

Just hearing about this must have made them all
More relaxed than a month of Jacuzzis:
I’m not crazy about the title and wish that it had
Been called “Heather Has Two Uzis.”

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Thoughts About Nixon 40 Years After His Resignation

Dick made his name with a claim that
Couldn’t miss:
“C’mon, let’s go after that big commie
Alger Hiss."

His fall from power was making a big
Mistake in
Authorizing the infamous Watergate

His career had two bookends that helped
Define its shape:
It began with microfilm and ended with

Sunday, August 3, 2014

Amazon Tribe On The Peru-Brazil Border Makes First Contact With Outside World

Their leader announced to reporters that now
The tribe’s most pressing aim
Was suing the world’s largest online retailer
For having stolen their name.

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

New Hope For People With Erectile Dysfunction

For many men this is so distressing, a problem that makes
Them feel alone and stuck in a corner:
Perhaps they should try what works for Rupert Murdoch &
Make a takeover bid for Time Warner.

Monday, July 14, 2014

Germany Wins World Cup

Mario Goetze’s unforgettable goooooooooal
Had him sprinting like a cheetah:
It was the worst thing to happen to Argentina
Since Madonna starred in “Evita.”

Saturday, July 5, 2014

UK Phone Hacking Trial Ends: Top Murdoch Men Go To Jail

What conceivable scandal could ever top this saga?
A new story raises creepy suspicions
About a decades-long cover-up of a pedophile ring
That involves top British politicians.

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Thoughts On The 40th Anniversary Of “Chinatown”

This was the first film I reviewed for the
Student paper at UCLA.
I saw it in Westwood, took the bus home
But stopped along the way

On Sunset at The Eastern Star Home:
I didn’t want to have missed a
Chance to see what in the movie was
A rest home in Mar Vista.

(It’s now become The Archer School for Girls.
Competition to get in is obscene:
It’s the kind of place Evelyn Mulwray would’ve
Attended if she were now a teen.)

That evening, I talked to my parents as
The three of us had dinner.
We all realized the line between films &
Real life had gotten thinner.

Decades later, I drove out with my own family
To yet another “Chinatown” location ---
Big Tujunga Wash in the San Fernando Valley
Where J.J. Gittes did some investigation.

The dry bed where he looked for clues was
Still a swash of mud and silt
But on the mountains above it, a rather large
Development had been built.

The past (if you look hard enough) is still there
But the present’s fate I’ve found
Is always wanting --- not unlike Noah Cross ---
To try & throw its weight around.

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Thursday, June 19, 2014

George Will Column Suggests Victims Of Rape On College Campuses Receive “Privileged Status”

George, I think that Down syndrome kids are weird.
Yeah, I know, that may sound outrageous
But why should my child have to be around them?
Maybe their condition is … contagious.

Maybe they’re just faking having special issues
To get government money gratis
And, hold on, perhaps what’s worse than that is
They seek some “privileged status.”


Full disclosure, George, I’m just pulling your leg:
I’m not being the least bit realistic.
I’m aware your son has Down syndrome --- did
I mention that my son is autistic?

So many things you say are hateful and foolish
From your perch with right wing sages ---
Down syndrome & autism aren’t communicable
But, sadly, your ignorance is contagious.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Glenn Beck (Yes, Glenn Beck) Admits, “Liberals, You Were Right. We Never Should Have Gone Into Iraq.”

For the moment, let’s just not talk about
The Benghazi suspect’s capture ---
Doesn’t Beck’s comment kind of sound
Like a sign of the imminent rapture?

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

What We Can Learn From The Majority Leader's Demise

Eric Cantor’s internal polling had him up by 30 percent.
These statistics can --- in truth --- vary
A lot. Trusting them makes as much sense as believing
In Santa, Bigfoot or the Tooth Fairy.

Monday, June 2, 2014

Resignation Of Veterans Affairs Secretary Gives Republicans A Twofer

They’ll now go even more on the warpath
About another Obama faux pas. We
Can expect soon to hear a new battle cry
That I’d bet will be called Shingazi.

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Christie Discusses How He's Now Smaller

The governor’s bragging rights are well-earned ---
Good for him and one
Other thing to note is that his White House hopes
Are now slim and none.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Mexican Chain Asks Customers Not To Bring Firearms Into Their Restaurants

The Man’s hands are now around 
Our throat: they
Are restricting our rights regarding

This is that dreaded slippery slope. I fear
For future generations as we pass
A scary line and next will have weapons
Banned from Mommy & Me class.

Why Danny Boyle Should Make A Movie About Donald Sterling

From the director of
"Slumdog Millionaire"
Comes his new film:
"Slumlord Billionaire.”

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Monday, May 12, 2014

Japanese Audiences Claim New Godzilla Is Too Fat

He roars and shoots flames as he attempts
To bring both terror and death
But pauses in the middle of this mayhem
Because he has to catch his breath.

His trashing of yet another modern city
Takes an unexpected new direction:
He stares at a mirrored skyscraper and
Is unhappy with his tubby reflection.

What can humans do to stop this assault
That’s worse than any plague?
Convince Gamera to pull Godzilla aside
And insist he go to Jenny Craig.

Sunday, May 4, 2014

How The Sordid Sterling-Clippers Era Should End

“Hi, Donald. I’m Oprah. Don’t get up.
I’m sure to you this seems tragic
But the handwriting was on the wall
In how you talked about Magic.

I know this is a bit awkward but the reason
That you do have to sell
The team is not because you’re a racist but
Simply because you smell.

Oh, and being a minority-hating slumlord
Is nothing anyone could cheer.
Whatever. We’re done --- please just sign
Right here and here and here.

One more little thing --- smile and say cheese!
Got it! I guarantee that I am
As soon as possible going to make sure & put
This selfie of us on Instagram."

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

To Those Who Insist Donald Sterling Was Set-up And Doesn’t Deserve To Lose The Clippers

Don’t bitch about how things
In the NBA should run ---
Raise a glass & toast your pal
Who had a very good run.

Stop whining and spreading
Your dirty fears:
He got away with his racism
For thirty years.

A Final Thought for 2014's Autism Awareness Month

I don't have a poem today but still have something to pass along.

Autism does not appear to have a de facto, let alone an official,

This is the song I'd nominate.

It's sung here by Eric Bibb.

The song was written by Guy Clark, Jim Janosky and Susanna

Monday, April 28, 2014

The Feds Go After Republican Lawmaker Michael Grimm Over Healthalicious, His Upper East Side Restaurant

He underreported workers’ wages, hid gross receipts
But the crime perhaps most malicious
Was that Mr. Grimm gave this business of his a name
As incredibly lame as “Healthalicious.”

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Tax-Evading Nevada Rancher Cliven Bundy Stuns Supporters With Pro-Slavery Comments

These racist remarks --- as you can imagine --- have
Resulted in many people squawking about.
(I guess he’s called a “folk hero” because he doesn’t
Know what the folk he’s talking about.)

Monday, April 21, 2014

Failed Connected With Bryan Singer Scandal Was A Front For Sex Ring With Barely Legal Boys

The Digital Entertainment Network ---
You’ll soon hear about it with ubiquity.
Also known as DEN, this is about when
I’ll point out it was a den of iniquity.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Instead Of Saying Aspersions Were Cast On His “Character,” Louie Gohmert Said They Were Cast On His “Asparagus”

This was in a spat with Attorney General Holder:
The congressman seems stressed these days.
He’s overdue for some R&R and should head off
To relax on some much needed hollandaise.

That Kissing, Family Values, Married GOP Congressman Shouldn’t Have To Resign

Why should this now have to be the end of
Vance McAllister’s political life
When fellow Louisianan David Vitter slept
With a gal who wasn’t his wife?

The woman in Vitter’s case, you may recall,
Had credentials that would constitute
Her job description as not being an intern
But --- more accurately --- a prostitute.

Sunday, April 6, 2014

Whenever You Hear This Phrase, This Is What It Really Means

It was said by Malaysian Airlines about
That plane that’s gone for good.
It was also said by officials about the last
Shooting spree at Fort Hood.

It was additionally said by Chris Christie
One of the last times that he
Was asked what was the reason behind
The traffic mess on the GWB.

“We may never know” is what they said &
I think it’s fair to suppose
That what they were actually thinking was,
“I hope no one ever knows.”

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

A Snapshot Of Jeremy

From the kitchen, I hear the muffled
sounds of things going on in my son’s

bedroom that shouldn’t be going on in
any room in any house. I soon find my-

self politely shrieking, “Jeremy, whatev-
er you’re doing, stop it!” (Variations on

this parental admonition are atop the daily
play list of all homes populated by autistic

children.) On my return to my son’s room,
I’m not sure exactly what he’s done but at

least it’s stopped. Jeremy’s as-yet-to-be-de-
termined shenanigans have segued into sus-

tained giggling, perhaps in the sheer delight
of my not knowing what he’s been up to. I

turn the TV off & inform Jeremy that he’ll
have to leave his bedroom if this keeps up.

I ask if he understands what I’ve just said.
Instead of responding with a simple Yes or

No, he nonchalantly stretches his right leg
out to its full extension, turns the TV back

on with his big toe & then gives me his most
innocent expression. However much I may

now desire to boldly assert my vast & final
authority, I’m helpless to do anything but

smile & surrender.

Senator John McCain Calls His Involvement With Disgraced Financier Charles Keating “The Worst Mistake Of His Life”

Even though Mr. Keating just died, he tweeted,
"My life wasn't smooth sailing
But, c'mon, I wasn't McCain's worst mistake ---
Wouldn't that be Sarah Palin?"

CNN Calculates It Could Take 2,995 Years To Find The Missing Malaysia Airlines Jet

2,995 is also the exact number
Of people who time and again
Admit they actually believe
The things they hear on CNN.


Tuesday, April 1, 2014

To Jumpstart Middle East Peace Process, U.S. May Release Convicted Spy Jonathan Pollard

The one most amazing thing about this case
That really made me laugh
Is he passed tens of thousands of documents
In just a year and a half.

How did Pollard steal so much so fast on
His audacious pro-Israel mission?
I bet he took secrets during his interview
For that Navy intelligence position.

Sunday, March 30, 2014

Nixon Report Exonerated Him Of Any Watergate Wrongdoing

Dick's lawyer who headed up this investigation
Declared his client clean
But he didn't interview Haldeman, Colson, Liddy
Ehrlichman or even Dean.

Okay --- that never happened but this makes it clear
That it's total, complete and absolute baloney
For Chris Christie's probe not to talk to Bridget Kelly,
David Wildstein, David Samson or Bill Baroni.

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Some Thoughts From A Parent Of An Autistic Son About Jenny McCarthy

If the mercury in vaccines causes autism,
Let me make this humble submission:
Why didn't all children exposed to mercury
Wind up with this particular condition?

When mercury was removed from vaccines,
What should've opened our eyes
Is rates of autism didn't suddenly decline but
Continued to exponentially rise.

A recent article in Time suggests a more
Logical & likely solution
That autism may very well be connected
To issues of pollution.

Apart from autism, these anti-vaccination views
Have additionally contaminated
General beliefs, so that some diseases are back
That had been long eradicated.

I'm sure Jenny thinks she's helping people
But it's fitting to mention
That her advocacy seems like another way
For her to get attention.

She seized upon her son's illness & used to
To increase her fame --- golly, it's
Pathetic, misguided & dangerous. She's to
Autism what Sarah Palin is to politics.,0,1476305.story#axzz2wKboHbtn

Thursday, March 13, 2014

Ohio Republican Andrew Brenner Calls Public Education “Socialism”

He wonders just what the solution is. Well,
I mulled this over & prevailed. It
Appears that would be ignorance. Andy ---
High-five! You totally nailed it!

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Bill O’Reilly Slams Obama's Appearance On Comedy Show “Between Two Ferns” To Promote Affordable Care Act

Hidden in this foolish criticism
The truth is quietly lurking.
The GOP isn't mad he did it ---
They're mad that it's working.

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Overlooked Highlight In The Hacking Trial Of Rebekah Brooks, The Former Top Executive For Rupert Murdoch

Her husband's stash of lesbian porn that
He was unable to toss or lock up
Was found by police. She described this
Incident as a monumental "cock-up."

Rebekah, hmm, how can I best say this?
Let me take a moment & mention
That the word you chose re: men & porn
Is pretty much their main intention.

Monday, February 24, 2014

Alec Baldwin Blames Rachel Maddow For His Being Fired By MSNBC

He's white and middle-aged
And always in a rage:
Every paparazzi he wants to box ---

He needs a new start, he's
Ideal to switch parties
And become a commentator for Fox.

Friday, February 21, 2014

Rand Paul, Rick Perry: Ted Nugent Should Apologize For Calling President Obama A “Chimpanzee” & A “Subhuman Mongrel”

I saw this coming and
Knew it would foment
For Republicans their
Sister Souljah moment.

Friday, February 14, 2014

New Strategy For Christie In The Never-ending Bridgegate Saga

What's making the governor
Feel so glad now?
Blaming the whole shebang
On Rachel Maddow.


Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Christie Goes For Broke In Chicago

His goal was to fire up all the crowds
To show that he hasn't lost it ---
Insiders were surprised he didn't eat
The read meat before he tossed it.

Clarence Thomas Says “America Has Gotten Too Sensitive About Race”

You have to admit that's a very bold position
Both unyielding and unflinching ---
I guess it was another Clarence Thomas who
Railed about a "high-tech" lynching.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Atlantic City Sponsors Bacon Week Festival

That isn't a joke. It's a real headline --- I'm not
Bluffing. Still,
If that doesn't get Christie back to New Jersey,
Nothing will.

RNC Chairman Says He’s Eager To Rehash The Lewinsky Scandal

I guess Reince Priebus really wants to return
To that three-ring media fright show
(Or maybe this is just a diabolical plan to get
Jay Leno back on "The Tonight Show.")

GOP Candidates Avoid Christie During His Visit To Chicago

I hope ex-Gov. Blagojevich will reach
Out to Chris with humility
And kindly offer to show him the ropes
At his correctional facility.

Monday, February 10, 2014

Saturday, February 8, 2014

February 9, 1950, February 9, 1964

Tail-gunner Joe said on this very day that lots of commies
Were working in the Department of State.
14 years later, The Beatles went on "Ed Sullivan" and they
Knocked the world out like a heavyweight.

Senator McCarthy died back in 1957 --- this is
Clearly why he never could've
Seen The Fab Four. If liquor hadn't killed him
That TV appearance would've.

Governments change and pendulums shift:
Red-bashing megalomania
Was destined to have come up short against
The rise of Beatlemania.

Friday, February 7, 2014

Possible Explanation For Bill Baroni's Role In Bridgegate

Perhaps the one thing that was getting
Him down
Was that all the lanes there needed to
Slim down.

Sign That Chris Christie’s Problems Are Bigger Than He Thinks

He can try to dismiss Bridgegate interest
As nothing but liberal media rage
But that's harder to sell when the scandal
Now has its own Wikipedia page.

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Wildstein’s Specially Created Port Authority Job Had No Job Description: He Got $150,000 A Year To Spy For Christie

Wouldn't it have been
More cost-effective
To have just hired a
Private detective?

I've just emailed the Port Authority
And then I eagerly proposed
That I replace Wildstein. (Damn it,
The position has been closed.)


Wednesday, February 5, 2014

New York GOP Official Under Fire For Sexting His (Former) Girlfriend’s Gal Pal

This kind of activity really has no upside and
Even if you're rigorously defending it to
Your boss and the press, you're toast ... unless
It's Anthony Weiner you're sending it to.

Fifty Years Later, Still Thinking About The Beatles

"We're bigger than Jesus"
Lennon once claimed:
Parents and clerics
Were all inflamed.

But for a time
Weren't we all
Apostles of both
John and Paul?

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Bridgegate Fallout Down The Road

Whenever some future sleazy politician
Has water he's begun to muddy
Pundits will wryly suggest he's perhaps
"Conducting a traffic study."

One Aid Resigns, Another Takes The Fifth & Won’t Hand Over Subpoenaed Documents

For Christie now, it's
Never a slow news day:
Just another manic
Monday (or Tuesday.)

Monday, February 3, 2014

Conservatives Go Crazy Over Super Bowl Coca-Cola Ad With “America The Beautiful” Sung Partly In Different Languages

Their hysterical responses make
Me chuckle and sigh:
Multiculturalism is as American
As imam and apple pie.

Sunday, February 2, 2014

Historical Perspective On Garden State Politics

My wife is a Jersey Girl and Kathy recalls
As a child how she was delighted
To realize that the words "former mayor"
Were always preceded by "indicted."

Christie Waited Ten Months To Have “Integrity Monitors” In Place To Oversee Sandy Aid

Greedy politicians
All tend to mutiny
At the prospect of
Sufficient scrutiny.

Friday, January 31, 2014

Giuliani Walks Back Tossing Christie Under The Bus With His "Fifty-Fifty" Assessment

How likely was it that he'd change his mind
About where that comment went?
If you're asking me, that's a no-brainer: those
Odds were one hundred percent.

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Guiliani Claims Odds Are Even Top New Jersey Politician Knew About GWB Lane Closures

Governor Christie --- this won't
Give you a lift. He
Says it's fifty-fifty. That makes
You shifty-shifty.

Owners Make Their Way Back To Cars Stranded On Atlanta Highways

I'm sure all the thousands of cold, weary motorists
Had been feeling abandoned and lost.
If temporary parking meters had been put in, they
Could've helped pay the cleanup cost.

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

In Association With The Super Bowl, Chris Christie Takes On Sexual Exploitation In New Jersey

I would advise the governor to say, "Yes,
We've made significant gains.
We haven't ended human trafficking but
We have shut down a few lanes."

NY Republican Threatens TV Reporter After He’s Asked About Federal Campaign Donation Probe

Michael Grimm?
His future pickings
Look pretty slim.

A thin-skinned bully
Who's also violent,
A soon to be ex-pol
From Staten Island.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

At The End Of His SOTU Speech, Obama Honors Severely Wounded Army Ranger Cory Remsburg

Earlier on in the evening, this brave & young hero
Was momentarily glimpsed repeatedly tapping
His chest in approval of something he heard. Folks,
That's the elusive sound of one hand clapping.

Fun Facts About The Billionaire Who Linked The Wealthy To Victims Of The Holocaust

Tom Perkins, who compared recent political vandalism
To 1938's Kristallnacht,
Was convicted of involuntary manslaughter for killing
A sailor with his yacht.

What Makes America Great

Editor's Note: This is a poetry blog about politics and popular culture. Today's post, however, is written as a column. The topic I wanted to address is too unwieldy to contain in a poem. There are two possible reactions to this: 1) Tony, stick to poetry or 2) Tony, write some more prose.


In 2010, a group of Muslim students at the University of California at Irvine heckled the Israeli Ambassador to the United States. Long story short, these guys from the Muslim Student Union were tried for conspiring to disrupt a public meeting. They were convicted and fined but sentenced to probation. As you might imagine, the whole shebang caused quite a hullabaloo.

On "Real Orange, a Southern California local news show, Mark Petracca, Chairman of UCI's political science department, had a particularly good take on this incident. He, if memory serves, said the students did have a right to their free speech at this event. This doesn't mean, however, that he agreed with them. What bothered him was the students being upset that they'd been charged with anything. Petracca recalled Dr. King often being hauled into jail for civil disobedience and noted that he never complained about being arrested: that was part of the whole arrangement. The UCI students felt their cause was bigger than existing laws. Sorry, guys, but that's not the way we roll in the U.S. of A.

All of which brings us out of politics and into show business. At the last New York Film Critics Circle Awards dinner on January 6, Steve McQueen --- the distinguished Black director of "12 Years A Slave" --- was heckled. The director was called a "garbage man" and a "doorman" and the heckler was also heard saying, "F _ _k you. Kiss my ass."

Who was responsible? A Black film critic named Armond White whose outburst wasn't the first at such gatherings and whose fondness for contrarian views label him a first-class attention whore or perhaps just an attention slut.

Unlike the Muslim students in Irvine who admitted shouting down the Israeli ambassador, Armond refuses to own up to what he did and has even played the race card as a reason for his later being thrown out of the New York Film Critics Circle.

This incident bring to mind an earlier case of similar heckling but on an even larger scale. Five years ago today, President Obama's State of the Union speech was interrupted by a congressman who yelled "You lie!" at one of Obama's statements. A congressman from South Carolina, one of the most racist states in America. A congressman who was very fond of Strom Thurmond and initially argued that Esse Mae Washington-Williams did not have an illegitimate child with the legendary lawmaker. A congressman who later reluctantly admitted Williams did have a child with Thurmond but insisted that she should not have spoken about this because it tarnished the senator's legacy.

It would appear that White and Wilson have things in common: a fondness for rudeness in public and trying to embarrass Black men more acclaimed than they are.

Mr. White, who I gather is a conservative, may I suggest you contact Mr. Wilson and offer up your services as a speechwriter? I'm sure you're way smarter than the various Bubbas currently being paid to put words into Wilson's mouth.

White has been defended in some quarters by right-leaning critics who cite his being victimized by having "spoken truth to power." It's more like yelling insults at the powerful, which is not quite as noble an activity.

Both White and Wilson fail to grasp what it is that defines our country. It is not the right to worship as we wish or speak what's on our minds.

What makes America great is that we talk behind each other's backs.

No, this is not enshrined in any documents that were written by the founding fathers.

It's simply a de facto truth about our society. Talking behind backs allows a politeness to flourish that enables democracy itself and life as we know it to properly function. Without it, we have anarchy or, even worse, a modern world that resembles talk radio or cable TV news shows. Nobody really wants a steady diet of that.

Finally, I want to point out that White's insults in public also include saying "F_ _ k you!" to activist filmmaker Michael Moore at another New York Film Critics Circle Award dinner. Full disclosure: I am a lifelong Democrat and was a huge fan of Moore's "Bowling for Columbine" and "Fahrenheit 9/11." Armond, I have two words to pass along. The second is "you." The first is "thank." You see, ever since Moore supported Ralph Nader which helped Bush beat Gore, I've despised him. Good on you for giving him a hard time, even though writing a column about your dislike of Moore would (obviously) have been the more appropriate way to go.

Rodney King was onto something: maybe we can all get along.

Monday, January 27, 2014

Sochi Mayor Says There Are No Gay People In Sochi

In related news which you can feel free
To shout at passing cars
There are also no drunks in Russia ---
Just a whole lot of bars.

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

TPM Headline: “Christie Won’t Address Bridge, Sandy Aid Allegations In Inaugural Address”

What a scoop! I didn't see that coming at all.
I was expecting something much grimmer
Like Chris insisting, "Before I speak, let's
Hear a few words from ... Dawn Zimmer!"

Friday, January 17, 2014

Surgeon General More Committed Than Ever To Curb Smoking

The man now in charge of America's public health needs
A new approach. I hope that he dispatches
Underlings to consider creating bold and dire restrictions
Regarding the sale of lighters and matches.

Actress Speaks Out For Republican Tim Donnelly’s Bid To Be California’s Next Governor

Maria Conchita Alonso's endorsement means a lot:
A helpful thing for her to do
(If it's 1997 and "The Running Man" happens to be
Playing at a theater near you.)

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

NSA Has Implanted Software On 100,000 Computers Outside Of The United States

So far, I would bet that all we've learned
Is that foreigners who have hate towards
America are (like us) fond of watching
YouTube videos of dogs on skateboards.

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Wisconsin Lawmaker Will Pull Controversial Bill He Wrote With Wealthy Donor To Lower Child Support Payments

St. Representative Joel Kleefisch? Your change of heart
Is horribly misguided ---- ought you
Consider not breaking that old political law of always
Dancing with them that bought you?

Sunday, January 12, 2014

The Intersection of Autobiography & Geography

Doesn't it appear increasingly likely
That the bullying and portly
New Jersey governor will be undone
By what he did in Fort Lee?


Thursday, January 9, 2014

A Chatty Press Conference, A Silent Bridge Hearing

Alas, this just doesn't pass the proverbial smell test:
Christie repeatedly made all these denials with
Certainly he knew nothing but this was undermined
By his ex-Port Authority pal who took the Fifth.

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Bridge Gridlock? Christie Now Insists, “I Was Duped.” (Yeah, Right.)

If you ever lie in the midst of another lie,
People may wind up wincing. One
Should always try to have that second lie
Be a really really convincing one.

Top Christie Official Named In Gridlock Retaliation

This won't help the governor's presidential bid ---
Some star power already fades under
Such scrutiny. He cancelled a speech today to look
For buses to throw a few aides under.

Rodman Sings And Plays Basketball At Birthday Party For North Korea's Leader

If one only considers Kim's uncle, his
Recent disappearance and death
It's more than kinda creepy for anyone
To become an evil dictator's BFF.


Tuesday, January 7, 2014

With $1.7 Billion Fine, JP Morgan Chase Settles Case For Missing Chance To Warn Authorities About Madoff

That fairly stupendous figure, when
All is done and said, tags
Them as raising a white flag for not
Having raised any red flags.

Monday, January 6, 2014

North Carolina Councilman Eyeing Congressional Run Quits Job With Resignation Letter In Klingon

He's clearly an illegal immigrant and from
The political scene should vanish.
David Waddell --- this is America, pal, and
Everybody here speaks Spanish.

Friday, January 3, 2014

Billionaire Head Of Home Depot Threatens Charitable Donations May Be Curtailed If Pope Continues His Support For The Poor

CEO Ken Langone is (of course) entitled to his opinion.
However, the one tiny thing it
Does here is undermine his message so it sounds like he's
Telling the Pontiff to, "Bring it!"

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Wal-Mart Recalls Donkey Product In China After Fox Meat Scandal

I would like to write about this
But the thing that bedevils
Me is just that this story is so
Wrong on so many levels.


Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Recreational Pot Industry Is Launched In Colorado

The "high" is for real in Rocky Mountain High ---
Drug foes see this as a virus as bad as Ebola
But savvy investors may feel this is the ideal time
To invest in companies that make granola.

Things To Anticipate During The 2014 Elections

Soccer moms are so 1996 --- referring to them
Almost 20 years later adds
Little, but the term that will gain some traction
Will be Duck Dynasty dads.

New Study: Older Teens Have Fled Facebook Because Their Parents Are There, Too

It kind of (no, completely) ruins any fun when you boast,
"I'm still hung over from getting wasted on Monday!"
And the next post is from your Mom who reminds you to
Be sure to bring all your laundry to brunch on Sunday.