Saturday, November 30, 2013

David Mamet Calls Obama A "Tyrant"

Translation: "I haven't had a hit in many years:
I'm bitter and old with prospects dim.
I'm so f***ing sad that my time has passed but
I feel a little better being mad at him."

Friday, November 29, 2013

Berlusconi Accused Of Paying Off Girls Who Attended His “Bunga Bunga” Sex Parties

I've got nothing at all to add to this headline ---
It's just that I will always sprint
At an opportunity to see the words "bunga bunga"
Have a chance to appear in print.

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Something To Not Be Grateful For In 2013

A wall to wall
Mauling in the mall
Without any stopping ---

My main misgiving
Is that now Thanksgiving
Is "The Purge" with shopping.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Supreme Court Will Hear Religious Health Law Dispute: Key Case Involves Store That Didn’t Want To Sell Hanukah Products

The owner of Hobby Lobby is a good Christian but
It's not easy to try and ignore a
Stand that appears anti-Semitic. CEO David Green:
Would it kill you to sell a menorah?

(Mr. Green, one last thing. About your name. It's ... kinda
Jewish. Shouldn't you have arranged by now
To have done something about that? I'm totally fahklumpt
That you haven't already changed it by now.)

Sunday, November 24, 2013

Murdoch Execs Now On Trial Had An Affair, Murdoch's Ex-wife Rumored To Have Had Fling With Tony Blair

How fitting that these three ruthless people whose daily lives
Were spent sweating over constant deadlines
About the rich and famous misbehaving would later wind up
As salacious fodder for tabloid headlines.

Friday, November 22, 2013

Edwin Walker

This Major General had a colorful life:
Nowadays he'd be a Birther.
His ultra-conservative views then just
Made him a John Bircher.

His politics got Walker reassigned.
The next move for this reptilian
Guy was resigning so he could do
What he wanted as a civilian.

In '62 in news that was broadcast
All across the nation,
He organized Mississippi protests
Against integration.

But this isn't the only reason Walker's famous:
What happens still perplexes
On an April night about a year or so later when
Walker was living in Texas.

Long story short, someone took a shot
Which intended to be hitting
Walker, who at that moment was at a
Desk in his dining room sitting.

But he was lucky: the bullet grazed him
After smashing a window frame.
The gunman's aim eventually improved
And he gained a measure of fame

When seven months later --- let's call it
The month of November ---
He fired some other bullets in Dallas, the
Details of which you may remember.

Our world would have been far better served
In a way that would unequivocally matter
If Oswald's shooting had been more effective
In the former incident instead of the latter.

Fifty Years Since JFK's Assassination

Fox News, the internet and cable TV
Were not around back in 1963.

Those things for sure would have got him
Long before Lee Harvey Oswald shot him.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Substance-Abusing GOP Lawmaker Will Take Leave Of Absence For Treatment

Trey Radel is doing the right thing --- perhaps
Normalcy can be restored here.
Addiction is not an easy cross to bear. (Insert
Punch line about Rob Ford here.)

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

JP Morgan Will Pay $13 Billion In Landmark Settlement Over Risky Mortgage-backed Securities

Having wreaked world-wide havoc with their greed
I'm confused what the onus is
For guys like CEO Jamie Dimon who still has his job
And is still collecting bonuses.

Monday, November 18, 2013

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford's Bizarre Behavior Leaves Him Stripped Of Most Powers

If he looks to reality TV and decides this is
Where he wants to be cashing in
On his current fame, he could easily become
A real threat to every Kardashian.

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Friday, November 15, 2013

Emergency Powers In Case Of Natural Disaster Are Taken From Rob Ford, Given To Toronto’s Deputy Mayor

This is a good and necessary idea and they
Should've done it even faster:
In related news, isn't it fair to say that Ford
Is already a "natural disaster?"

China Makes Bold Move

Abolishing their labor camps? Ah, c'mon --- really?
What a girly man thing to do!
What's next, allowing some couples to have two kids?
(They're letting that happen, too.)

Thursday, November 14, 2013

While Alec Baldwin’s Stalker Spends Six Months In Jail, She Should Consider Lowering Her Sights

Genevieve Sabourin --- now that
You've been hauled in
To jail, I have two words for you:
Stephen Baldwin.

Mulling Over That Richard Cohen Piece In The Washington Post

A bitter man who's past his prime. Many folks
Can't believe he's still working ---
His latest bid for attention is nothing more than
A columnist's version of twerking.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

That Short Black & White Film Of Teri Garr Dancing On Hollywood Boulevard In 1966

The cars, buildings & passers-by are colorless & old.
She's young & exuberant in ways that are various
As her long hair floats through the air with abandon
In this accidental trailer for the Age of Aquarius.

Why The Obamacare Web Site Probably Not Working Right By November 30th (As Promised) Is Not Exactly A Surprise

They underestimated the time it would take to fix it
Like a friend who insists that they won't be long
Just fifteen minutes late for dinner because saying
It's more like forty-five minutes sounds so wrong.

Besieged Toronto Mayor Rob Ford Refuses To Leave, Signs “Robbie Bobbie” Bobbleheads At City Hall

A photo op like that, my God, what
You get a chance to see does
Remind you a Bobblehead has more
Credibility than he does.

Fallout From Racist Washington Post Column Being Felt Even At CNN

Readers have lashed out at Wolf Blitzer --- he was
Totally stunned, although in
All fairness the dismay from people is just because
He looks like Richard Cohen.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Now It Hits Me Why "60 Minutes" On-Air Discussion Of Their Controversial Benghazi Segment Was So Weird

Lara Logan's explanation was very carefully worded
Hiding any details embarrassing or gory:
It seems that far more effort was put into her apology
Than was spent investigating this story.

Promoting New Book, Sarah Palin Compares The Government Borrowing From Other Countries To … Slavery?

Her disconnect was more absurd than usual here
(In case any of you might have missed this)
Her nasty speech was promoting "Good Tidings &
Great Joy: Protecting The Heart Of Christmas."


Monday, November 11, 2013

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Fired "60 Minutes" Icon Hasn't Commented Yet On Show's Humiliating Benghazi Story

This scandal --- like Dan Rather's --- is bound to result
In changes of the program's staffing.
My guess is he hasn't weighed in yet simply because
He's been unable to stop laughing.

Tom Cruise Compares Acting Career To A Tour Of Duty In Afghanistan

Actual soldiers may disagree with this claim
And tell Cruise to shove it:
Another case of jumping the couch? Nah, it's
Paragliding high above it.

Friday, November 8, 2013

Rob Ford’s Mother Insists Her Son No Longer Drive But Also Claims He Has No Substance Abuse Issues

Let's not even begin to discus the mayor's
Massive problem with overeating
And hope someone soon can drive his mother
To the nearest Al-Anon meeting.

Guns & Ammo Editor Who Published Pro-Gun Control Editorial Is Fired

Jim Bequette’s credibility there?
He no longer had a shred. Start
The rumor that all the magazine
Finally gave him was a head start.  

To Secessionist Leader, The Problem Is The "Urbanization" Of America

Has Colorado's Jeffrey Hare totally lost his mind?
Has he?
I bet he thinks the Unabomber's shack was way too

Many British Papers Covering The Murdoch Phone Hacking Trial End Their Stories By Saying, “The Trial Continues”

So proper, so English, so curious
That this is occurring:
Totally unnecessary and yet also
Strangely reassuring.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Second Substance-Impaired Tape Of Rob Ford Surfaces: He Threatens To Kill Someone

This is one ugly and nasty video
A fact that's clear pronto:
It's like a deranged Chris Farley
Is the mayor of Toronto.

“Guns & Ammo” Editor Apologizes To Outraged Readers Over Pro-Gun Control Editorial

Jim Bequette had guts to write that piece and for
That should be admired --- at
The present he’s far less worried about being fired
Than he is about being fired at.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Six Of Eleven Colorado Counties Vote For Secession

I izz sew tiredd ov thee govrnmint  telllin me wwhut too ddo.
Thhey kin all jus go rite too helll.
Furst theey wiill taik all our gunz aaand yeew no whats next?
Tellin uss hou to speek andd spel.

Republicans Kicking Themselves To Have Lost Virginia Governor’s Race That Clearly Was Winnable

Some top strategist still seething this morning
(Unshaven and hung over in his robe)
Pulled himself --- and his party --- together and
Started a fact-finding transvaginal probe.

Unconfirmed Source Says Christie Attended PTA Meeting After Winning Reelection

It claims his attire was informal there ---
A windbreaker and jeans and sneakers.
It wasn’t even at one of his kids’ schools:
He just wanted to yell at some teachers.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Toronto Mayor Comes Clean (Kind Of) About Drug Use

Sure, I care that Doug Ford’s admitted to smoking crack
And that to Canada he’s a one-man plague
But I’m just as bothered that he looks like a shop teacher
Who got kicked to the curb by Jenny Craig.

Rand Paul Wants To “Duel” Critics Who Call Him A Serial Plagiarist

Such prearranged fights with deadly weapons
Have a merit that is exemplary:
However, of course, this only applies if you
Are living in the 15th century.


Monday, November 4, 2013

Google Executive Chairman Eric Schmidt Says NSA Surveillance Has Gone Too Far

Mr. Schmidt, some of us feel the same way, too, but
Perhaps you never had one misgiving
About Google Earth posting many detailed pictures
Of the places we happen to be living.

I could elaborate, however, I have something else to do.
Full disclosure: I oughta warn ya
I'm off to Google Earth to check out that home you may
Still have in Atherton, California.

Sunday, November 3, 2013

1984's Infamous Subway Vigilante Arrested On Drug Charge

His long and winding journey? Let's
See what happened to Bernie Goetz.

Shooting punks left New York reeling, he'd
Now seem far happier simply dealing weed.

Classified Documents Reveal U.S. & U.K. War Games In 1983 Nearly Caused A Soviet Strike

The first headline about this in The Guardian sounded like
Working out was a lethal chore ---
It conveyed an altogether unintended meaning by saying,
"Exercise Nearly Led To Nuclear War."

Friday, November 1, 2013

Edward Snowden May Help Germany Investigate NSA Spying

Why would he decide to make this move right now?
I’d bet if you ran it by him
He’d admit because Germany is a much nicer place
Than Russia to seek asylum.


Tennessee Lawmakers Scheduled To Speak Before Secessionists With Hate Group Ties

My guess is if we look a little closer at some 
Of these alleged offenders
We’ll find not only hate group ties but also
Belts as well as suspenders.