Tuesday, December 31, 2013

The When

We're all addicted to something and to
Ourselves will quite often say,
"I'll battle this tomorrow when I have
More strength than I do today."

After years of mulling this over
Often twiddling my thumbs
I've come to the conclusion that
That tomorrow never comes.

Regardless how much we need the next day
To have to skills that are vast, one
Has to suck it up and accept that the truth is
It's pretty much like the last one.

Tomorrow (that sneaky bastard) can't help
And that desired assistance
Is forever doomed --- like the horizon --- to
Remain off in the distance.

But there's an upside to this grim reality
To swat away sweaty fear ---
Your best chance to fight whatever it is
That ails you is already here.

Everything happens today, so feel free
To unpack your sorrow
And accept there's no reason to wait to
Take big steps tomorrow.

Right now as you read this words, you can
(I hereby advise to you)
Stop smoking, overeating, drinking and-or
Whichever applies to you.

Whatever steps you choose to take are yours alone ---
You will figure out what they are and then
Do what's necessary. The Who, Where, What & Why
I can't provide but I can give you The When.

Monday, December 30, 2013

Chris Christie Allegedly Caused Four-Day Traffic Jam To Get Back At Jersey Pol For Not Endorsing Him

Would he really be this petty and vindictive?
Many have given a downward thumb to it.
His next explanation will be along the lines of,
"I'll gridlock that bridge when I come to it."


Conservative Writer Noel Sheppard Tells Readers “Spooning” Is A Sexual Position

As you can imagine, this remark generated quite a
Bit of derisive squawking about
His lack of knowledge --- he clearly doesn't know
What the fork he's talking about.


Saturday, December 28, 2013

One Of The Three PBS Stations That I Get Is In One Of The Most Drug-Infested Areas In America

In 2012, San Bernadino filed for bankruptcy:
Some say that the city is on its death bed ---
If I ran KVCR, I would put on a show called,
"Scrapbooking For The Modern Meth Head."


Friday, December 27, 2013

One Pussy Riot Member Was Forced To Have Daily Gynecological Exams In Russian Prison

The lesson to be learned here is pretty clear and
One might even call it conclusive:
If the band was called Elbow Riot, those exams
Would've been far less intrusive.

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Federal Judge Strikes Down Utah’s Same-Sex Marriage Ban

For many Mormons, this has to be
The worst day of their lives
Since they believe marriage is only
Between a man & his wives.


Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Homeless Superman

At a traffic light, with last-minute Christmas presents
On the passenger seat beside me, I saw Superman
On the sidewalk rummaging through a garbage can.

The only thing missing was a handmade sign
That said, "Will Save The World For Food."
Hair greasy, face unshaven

He was recognizable because on his chest
Was the unmistakable "S" logo.
Great Caesar's ghost! Where was Perry White?

Or Jimmy Olson and Lois Lane?
From the trash, Superman fished out the remains
Of a gingerbread blended coffee in a Starbucks cup

But didn't even try to warm it up with his x-ray vision.
This reality seemed unimaginable
But new media like the internet has put old media

On the endangered species list.
Maybe Clark Kent got laid off after foolishly
Not taking the first buyout offer

When The Daily Planet was sold.
(Low readership, one could argue, is the
Newspaper business' version of kryptonite.)

Clark started at the paper in 1938, which suggests
He once enjoyed the warm embrace of job security.
The Fortress Of Solitude was surely bought and paid for

But if his x-ray vision was kaput,
He probably couldn't fly and clearly
Didn't have plane fare.

Suddenly feeling heroic, I parked my car, leaped out
Started running and yanked open my white button-down shirt
Which billowed behind me like a cape

As I raced off to rescue the planet's most famous superhero
Who was heading towards a dumpster behind a supermarket.
I knew this wasn't really Lex Luthor's sworn enemy.

He was just a down and out guy wearing a t-shirt
That conveyed an irony that was totally lost on him
Which was appropriate since he was totally lost.

I didn't find him
Outside Whole Foods
Or on the surrounding streets.

Like the real Man Of Steal
Homeless Superman vanished
Faster than a speeding bullet.

Monday, December 23, 2013

After Huge Case Of Stolen Customer Information, Target And Credit Card Companies Point Fingers

This should've resulted in a quick
And sincere mea culpa:
What we get instead is more along
The lines of theya culpa.


Sunday, December 22, 2013

Mulling Over Widespread NSA Surveillance

Considering our addiction to social media
Where every private act is toasted
Is there anything left to be eavesdropped on
That hasn't already been posted?

Friday, December 20, 2013

Rep. Jack Kingston (R-Ga.) Wants Poor Students To Work As Janitors In Exchange For Lunch

Mr. Kingston, when God gets wind of this
I imagine He'll be at war with you
And my guess is on Judgment Day that He
Is going to sweep the floor with you.


Thursday, December 19, 2013

Possible New Direction For "Homeland"

Another country, another regime and another
Leader who's in freedom's way:
Brody could shoot but not dunk. This new spy
Is a guy who played in the NBA.



Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Boehner Rents An Apartment From A Lobbyist For The American Suntanning Association

I've long suspected John's ties to special interests
From things he's done and said ---
I didn't guess that this person he was in bed with
Would have his own tanning bed.



John McCain To Harry Reid: “I’m Gonna Kick The Crap Out Of You”

Honestly, that really wasn't a very diplomatic thing
For the senator from Arizona to have said:
They should hug it out & catch a matinee of the new
DeNiro and Stallone boxing movie instead.


Tuesday, December 17, 2013

George Zimmerman Is Selling His Paintings To Pay Off His Legal Fees

I'd like some serious art critics to weigh in ---
If they don't volunteer, let's just recruit them
And if they write things that threaten George,
He can stand his ground again & shoot them.




Monday, December 16, 2013

Judge Who Sent Rich Texas Teen To Rehab For Killing Four In Car Crash Is (Conveniently) Retiring

Judy Boyd once sentenced a teen to fourteen years
For a death in a fistfight attack ---
For those of you keeping score, that adolescent
Wasn't rich but was definitely Black.

Newport Academy costs around a half million a year
To teach pampered punks etiquette:
It's opening four new branches next year in New York,
California as well as Connecticut.

Wealthy Texas Teen Who Drunkenly Killed Four People Didn't Wind Up Behind Bars But In Rehab

This reminds me of
Too big to fail:
File this one under
Too rich to jail.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Abercrombie & Fitch: “Overweight People Are Welcome!” (To Shop Online Only In Test Program --- Big Sizes Won’t Be Sold In Stores)

As far as segregation goes, one
Wouldn't call it Jim Crow
But it's not too much of a stretch
To refer to it as Slim Crow.


One Year After The Newtown Massacre

The nation's gun laws haven't tightened at all ---
Most Republicans are not down
With upsetting the NRA & made sure any reform
(Like those kids) was shot down. 

"Inside Llewyn Davis"

Here's to all the unsung singers who
Valiantly dared with all
Their hearts but never found success'
Elusive wherewithal.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Netanyahu Didn’t Attend Mandela’s Funeral Because Of “The High Cost Of Travel”

Translation: "I disliked him so much
That anyone can easily deduce
How I didn't even try & come up with
A remotely believable excuse."

Obama Shook Hands With Raul Castro At Nelson Mandela’s Memorial Service

Was this some rookie mistake? Nah, Barack's
Hardly a rookie --- let alone a newbie --- so
Let's assume that a presidential perk sometimes
Is doing stuff just to piss off Marco Rubio.


18 Los Angeles Sheriffs Arrested In Widespread Probe Of Corruption And Abuse

A source close to the investigation said this could result
In prison time for these alleged crooks
As well as at least one Denzel Washington feature film
And perhaps two James Ellroy books.


Monday, December 9, 2013

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Nelson Mandela (1918-2013)

He was sent away but he didn't go away ---
What demands more
Attention is how hard it is to imprison what
Someone stands for.

Friday, December 6, 2013

Santorum Says Fight Against Obamacare Is Like Battle Against Apartheid

Authorities in South Africa agreed:
They arrested Rick & decided to
Lock him up. Sources say his parole
Could come as early as 2042.



Frantic Attempts To Get Help During The 2012 Connecticut School Shooting Are Made Public

I look forward to looking back at this
Ghoulish practice having ceased:
What possible good is there in having
Sandy Hook's 911 calls released?


Thursday, December 5, 2013

Martin Bashir Loses TV Show Over Vulgar Comment About Sarah Palin

Years from now, Mr. Bashir will still recall how
His career at MSNBC went south
With this comment that at the end of the day left
A bad taste in everyone's mouth.

Rob Ford Allegedly Tried To Buy Back The Cell Phone He Left At A Crack House For Five Grand And A Car

It's appalling a mayor did crack in a crack house:
This is --- at best --- an untoward situation.
But was he trying to be fiscally frugal? Oh, yeah.
No wasteful spending here: go Ford Nation!

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Post-Trayvon Martin, ALEC (The Group Behind “Stand Your Ground” Laws) Has Big Fundraising Problems

They've already lost McDonald's, Coca-Cola, Walmart, GE,
Kraft, Procter & Gamble and Amazon.
That's only a partial list, A cynic might say they're history
Like those ancient ruins of Babylon.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Why Did Top Madoff Associates Put Newly Fabricated Financial Documents In The Freezer?

So investigators wouldn't feel their warmth and
Know they just came from the printer
Which likely would've caused Bernie's empire
To prematurely collapse and splinter.

To appeal to corporate thieves, Xerox
Should introduce a new tool:
A printer whose pages will emerge from
The copier not warm but cool.


Monday, December 2, 2013

McConnell Rips Tea Party For Damaging GOP Brand But Refuses To Actually Mention Them

Mitch is just trying to look like he can still manage
To hold down the fort
But is afraid to say their name like Hogwarts kids
Were with Voldemort.