Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Why The Pope’s Incredibly Abrupt Departure Is Unsettling

What causes many Catholics
Around the world so much worry
Is that it smacks of, “Here’s
Your mitre --- what’s your hurry?”

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Political Bumper Stickers I’d Like To See

So far this is the only one I’ve got ---

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Tony Peyser’s 2013 Oscar Picks

Best Picture: Amour
Best Actor: Denzel Washington
Best Actress: Naomi Watts
Best Supporting Actor: Alan Arkin
Best Supporting Actress: Helen Hunt


How could I have been so wrong?
I’m in need of a little consoling ---
(My researcher was also in charge
Of Mitt Romney’s internal polling.)

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Vatican Dismisses Gay Conclave Report

My guess is that this claim may be just a bit
Inaccurate & I would prefer to dub
The group as more like the Pope’s version of
The He-Man Woman Haters Club.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Two Poems In Honor Of Hollywood & The 2013 Academy Awards


Fallout From Ben Affleck Not Receiving
A Directing Nomination For “Argo”

He’ll get that Oscar down the road
As a gimme --- really.
Even if he decides to take the helm
On a sequel to “Gigli.”


How Melissa McCarthy Should Respond To Rex
Reed’s Nasty Comments About Her Weight

Take him out to some old school L.A. restaurant after sending
An invite that’s a handwritten note:
Be very demure but then (like she often did in “Identity Thief”)
Suddenly punch him in the throat.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Ranger 8 --- 48 Years Ago Today

Used in an unmanned 1965 mission, it took
Over 7,000 photographs and
After transmitting them, it then crashed into
The moon as had been planned.

At least that’s what NASA told us --- I have
Been doing a little thinking
And wonder (although I lack any proof) if the
Spacecraft had been drinking.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Director, Stars Of “Silver Linings Playbook” Will Reunite For Abscam Movie

My favorite scoundrel in that undercover sting
Was Florida Congressman Richard Kelly.
He took 25 grand. His behavior showed he had
The guile but not the skill of Machiavelli.

This emerged especially when he insisted that
What was going on in this whole situation
Wasn’t what it looked like --- he was actually
Conducting his own undercover operation.

Caught on tape stuffing money into his pockets
Kelly asked, “Does it show?” That
Revealed how crooked Eighties politicians said,
“Does this bribe make me look fat?”

Friday, February 15, 2013

Rapper Compares Having Sex To Beating Up Emmett Till

This vile remark reeks of racism and
When looked at in the light
Is most memorable because it was said
By someone black, not white.

Li’l Wayne, wow, you’ve done something big
With your well known big mouth ---
You’re so offensive that it’ll help you win some
Klan fans down in the deep deep south.

But, hey, you do have a sense of occasion
This fundamental fact can’t be debated:
You’ve certainly picked a special way for
Black History Month to be celebrated.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Thoughts About Christopher Dorner And Manifesto Writing

The way that these documents
Often happen to go wrong
Is because, unlike a poem, they
Tend to be rather … long.

Looking back on his communist screed
Karl Marx (capitalism’s competitor)
No doubt reflected and then concluded,
“I really should have hired an editor.”

Monday, February 11, 2013

Benedict XVI Is First Pontiff To Step Down Since 1415

What made many abuse victims of
Countless priests mad again
Was his never admitting a personal
Failure or one by the Vatican.

Benedict never took action against bishops who
Would cover up or ignore
Pedophile priests --- they went on to new posts
Free to abuse many more.

His legacy is undeniably tainted but I wonder
If he harbors this hope --- the
Chance to be forgiven like Lance Armstrong
In a televised chat with Oprah.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

How Is The Sinister New Netflix Drama “House Of Cards” --- Set In DC --- Playing In DC?

I will bet while many politicians may find it
Quite a good bit of nasty fun that
The majority of them will privately admit to
Thinking, “Been there, done that.”

Sunday, February 3, 2013

LaPierre Says Obama Is After Your Rifle, Shotgun & Handgun

Wayne, Barack really intends
To make you hurt, son:
He’ll also be coming soon to
Seize your squirt gun.

He wants your thumb and index finger
So you can’t beckon
With them and then pretend that your
Hand is a weapon.

This revelation will make you wish
You were loaded and locked:
New laws will even prevent you from
Ever going off half-cocked.

Stay vigilant, Wayne! Stay awake!!
If you take a nap, one
Of Barack’s jack-booted thugs will
Also steal your cap gun.