Thursday, May 29, 2014

Christie Discusses How He's Now Smaller

The governor’s bragging rights are well-earned ---
Good for him and one
Other thing to note is that his White House hopes
Are now slim and none.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Mexican Chain Asks Customers Not To Bring Firearms Into Their Restaurants

The Man’s hands are now around 
Our throat: they
Are restricting our rights regarding

This is that dreaded slippery slope. I fear
For future generations as we pass
A scary line and next will have weapons
Banned from Mommy & Me class.

Why Danny Boyle Should Make A Movie About Donald Sterling

From the director of
"Slumdog Millionaire"
Comes his new film:
"Slumlord Billionaire.”

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Monday, May 12, 2014

Japanese Audiences Claim New Godzilla Is Too Fat

He roars and shoots flames as he attempts
To bring both terror and death
But pauses in the middle of this mayhem
Because he has to catch his breath.

His trashing of yet another modern city
Takes an unexpected new direction:
He stares at a mirrored skyscraper and
Is unhappy with his tubby reflection.

What can humans do to stop this assault
That’s worse than any plague?
Convince Gamera to pull Godzilla aside
And insist he go to Jenny Craig.

Sunday, May 4, 2014

How The Sordid Sterling-Clippers Era Should End

“Hi, Donald. I’m Oprah. Don’t get up.
I’m sure to you this seems tragic
But the handwriting was on the wall
In how you talked about Magic.

I know this is a bit awkward but the reason
That you do have to sell
The team is not because you’re a racist but
Simply because you smell.

Oh, and being a minority-hating slumlord
Is nothing anyone could cheer.
Whatever. We’re done --- please just sign
Right here and here and here.

One more little thing --- smile and say cheese!
Got it! I guarantee that I am
As soon as possible going to make sure & put
This selfie of us on Instagram."