Sunday, September 30, 2012

Chris Christie Says Wednesday’s Debate Will Let Mitt “Restart” His Campaign

How many “restarts” does Gov. Romney need
Before looking totally diminished?
That option isn’t really on the table but we are
Much closer to his being “finished.”

The last Republican I can think of who similarly was
Bereft of any message to sell
To voters was Bush the Elder --- you may recall how
For the GOP it didn’t go well.

It looks as if the guys running Mitt's campaign
Are incompetent and asleep at the controls
If instead of closing the deal they’re restarting
A month before people head to the polls.

Friday, September 28, 2012

Netanyahu’s Latest Graphic Is A Stunner

It’s as if he’s saying, “Don’t
You dare attack me!
I’ve just bought this way cool
New bomb from Acme!”

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Iranian President Calls Homosexuality “Ugly”

Mahmoud, you couldn’t be more wrong
(What you said is just deplorable.)
Are you a fan of “The Chew” on ABC?
C’mon: Clinton Kelly is adorable.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Romney On The 47% Comment: “That’s Not The Campaign, That Was Me”

So, Mitt isn’t his campaign? Wow.
What a strange point of view his is.
That’s the boldest splitting of hairs
Since Bill redefined what “is” is.

Monday, September 24, 2012

Romney Says His Campaign Doesn’t Need A “Turnaround”

If Mitt’s campaign were a company Bain took over
There would now be terrible tensions
As they sold furniture, computers and tried to screw
Its employees out of their pensions.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Words To Live By

Marie Antoinette’s “Let them eat cake!”
Who could ever top it?
Ann Romney did, also with four words:
“You people … stop it.”

(To be fair, Ann’s gaffes were
Actually done
On two occasions and Marie’s
Just on one.)

But they’re kindred spirits in
Condescension & deceit:
They’re the icing on the cakes
They want others to eat.

Friday, September 21, 2012

After Watching Scott Brown Debate Elizabeth Warren

He thinks he’s Richard Gere.
To me, a
Better comparison is Jack

Thursday, September 20, 2012

The GOP Candidate’s Latest Pivot

This campaign keeps getting
Odder and odder --- it
Seems Mitt is now trying to
Appear more moderate.

Romney wants to shun the extreme far right
Not completely but, you know, just a little
And only because that leaked tape showed his
Contempt for the lower class & the middle.

Obama vs. Romney In Six Words (Hold On --- I Can Do It In Five)

Medicare vs.
I don’t care.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Difficult Questions To Answer (Vol. #17)

Do paranoid people who use social networks
Feel good or bitter
When they discover that no one is following
Them on Twitter?

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Monday, September 17, 2012

Driving The GOP Nuts

This would make Republicans
Even crazier than they now are:
GM’s next vehicle for 2013
Is the Obamacar.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

What Should Be Done To Anti-Islam Filmmaker Nakoula Nakoula

Tell him his movie is such a hit
It’s going to be globally released.
He’ll get an all-expenses paid trip
To promote it in the Middle East.

One thing that won’t be provided on
His maiden voyage from obscurity
Is anything that would fall under the
General heading of  “security.”

Friday, September 14, 2012

Re: Mitt’s Accusations About Obama’s Handling Of The Libyan Embassy Crisis

Romney (if he had half a brain)
Soon would have halted it.
He didn’t just jump the gun. The
Truth is he pole vaulted it.

Nakoula Basseley Nakoula --- Filmmaker Behind Anti-Islam Movie --- Was Jailed For Intending To Sell Meth

This stupid bastard whose only success
Was, at the end of the day, making mad
Most of the world, would’ve been killed
In the first season of “Breaking Bad.”

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Democrats --- And Republicans --- Slam Romney For Using Libya Attacks To Bash Obama

His timing’s awful, his critique makes no sense.
As I saw Mitt begin it
It dawned on me that regarding this race, he’s
Not really in it to win it.

Political Correctness Run Amok (Vol. #17)

It’s essential that Kristen Stewart apologize
And let all of her fans now understand
Even her fictional affair with a married guy
Was inappropriate in “Adventureland.”

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Romney & Ryan Are Still Hyping A Budget Plan With No Details

If they were used car salesman, they wouldn’t
Say if the car had been in crash.
They wouldn’t let you look at the odometer
But would like you to pay cash.

They wouldn’t let you gaze under the hood
But would say the engine is the best: I’ve
Also forgotten to mention they wouldn’t
Discuss allowing you to take a test drive.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Mrs. Romney Says Mitt Went To Dying Son’s Bedside & This Means He’s Not Heartless

That’s what fathers are supposed to do
Whether their kids are pampered or shoeless:
All this proves is having untold millions
Makes some rich people singularly clueless.

Friday, September 7, 2012

Music Mogul Quincy Jones Testified He Never Told "Girls Gone Wild" Creator Joe Francis That Las Vegas Mogul Steve Wynn Threatened To Kill The Soft-Porn Producer

Wynn allegedly planned to bury Francis out in the desert:
A sad fate for this controversial bambino
But perhaps Wynn was just ad-libbing some scenes for a
Possible sequel to Scorsese's "Casino."

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Late-Breaking 2012 Race Relations Update

(Yeah, I know I should talk about Bill’s speech:
Did you hear that audience roar?
But I have to mention this incident which is one
That nobody should ignore.)

Former Miss. Gov. Barbour Was Disappointed Chris
Christie Didn’t “Put A Hot Poker To Obama’s Butt”

Hey Haley, I found this link online to a group
You’d like & when it meets!
The members hate Blacks but love everything
White --- especially sheets!

Although as my wife pointed out while
Casually scratching her wrist,
“One would have to assume that Haley
Is already on their mailing list.”

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Patrick, Castro & The First Lady At The 2012 DNC

Only the great speeches can
Reach this
Point where they leave us

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

A Few Thoughts On Patt Morrison’s Radio Show Being Dropped

Since Patt will soon be shown the KPCC door
Maybe it’s time to reevaluate
Some other things just taking up space here
In the good ol’ Golden State.

Pasadena’s yearly parade is nice, I guess,
If you like roses
But it’s been around for far too long, so in
2013, it closes.

JPL? See ya! Curiosity landed but Mars
Is bleak, empty & quite a far
Place to go and just drive around in a
Rather pricey souped-up car.

The Hollywood Bowl is beloved and I
Really don’t mean to goof on it
But why keep it around when everyone
Would prefer it had a roof on it?

The Capitol Records building was built to look
Like a turntable with more than one record.
But turntables aren’t in fashion. Besides, aren’t
Musicians’ pasts often grim and checkered?

Yes, I know there are positive things to say
About the Griffith Park Observatory
But it’s way too high and hard to get to, so
Let’s dispatch it off to purgatory.

Olvera Street? Adios! I’m sure we can agree
It’s from a long ago era --- is
Anyone (without using Wikipedia) even sure
What the heck an “Olvera” is?

Angels Flight runs too short a distance to
Let it remain: I bet
No one will really miss Sinai & the same
Applies to Olivet.

Walt Disney Concert Hall isn’t old and
Things do look awfully slick there
But lose it anyway because its conductor
Has inappropriately thick hair.

(Speaking of the Los Angeles Philharmonic
Instead of Gustavo Dudamel
Dump him and go get that young hunk from
“Transformers,” Josh Duhamel.)

Vin Scully’s been on the air for 63 years?
Take him off KLAC and I mean STAT!
Put him on briefly throughout the day:
Just like KPCC wants to do with Patt.

The Bradbury Building is nice but ancient:
It belongs in Madam Tussauds
Along with The Pantry, LACMA & haven’t
You eaten enough at Musso’s?

The Watts Towers look rickety & were done
Without a professional design
And don’t you think “tagging” whenever you
Look at the Hollywood Sign?

Patt’s a landmark on the SoCal landscape.
Among her many fans, few joke
About her leaving. Actually, none. This is
Going to be KPCC’s New Coke.

Tony Peyser has been a fan of Patt Morrison’s
for the last few decades and appeared on her
show as her poet-in-residence for the last few

Mitt’s Been Taking It Easy The Last Few Days

At this point as the actual nominee
I’d like to mention, Gov. Romney,
To be present in the media, you
Should be --- you know --- omni-.

But you’re off the trail & on your boat
And in the wrong direction. Here
Is a little advice: there are no days off
During a presidential election year.


Monday, September 3, 2012

After The Election, Here’s How Mitt Can Launch His Own Action Hero Movie Franchise

Badly injured, he has amnesia but discovers
As he eventually regains his health
He knows vulture capital tips on how to soon
Acquire massive amounts of wealth.

He becomes known in business circles as
A cutthroat & ruthless entity.
The title for something like this is vital ---
I call it “The Bain Identity.”