Thursday, October 31, 2013

In New Book, Jon Huntsman Sr. Admits Telling Harry Reid That Romney Paid No Taxes For Ten Years

So, what we all need to do right now
Is quietly take a breath
And accept that life's only certainty
Would appear to be death.

Ex-Tabloid Editors On Trial For Phone Hacking In England Had A Secret Affair For Six Years

What a juicy story! It’s just the kind that Murdoch’s
Minions were always lurking for ---
They’ll have a field day with this. Hold on, I forgot:
It’s Murdoch they were working for.


Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Republicans Oppose Obamacare --- But They’re Angry That Computer Glitches Are Delaying Its Implementation?

Shouldn't all these screw-ups make them happy?
Why publicly put the onus
On HHS Secretary Selbelius? They instead should
Recommend she get a bonus.

This Isn't Music To The GOP's Ears

The Tea Party and traditional Republicans:
If some people had their druthers
Would break up permanently --- not unlike
The newly kaput Jonas Brothers.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Obama Scales Back Eavesdropping Of U.N. Headquarters

However, he’s still listening to all calls at Showtime ---
This is precisely how he spends
His free time because he loves “Homeland” and wants
To find out how season three ends.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Second Black Shopper Arrested After Leaving Barneys And Being Wrongfully Charged With Credit Card Fraud

I predict a Barneys exec will give lots of swag to an Oprah audience
And dutifully do much bowing and scraping
But cops will then detain every Black person who got a free gift when
They’re three blocks away from the taping.


The Perils Of Skimming Headlines: “McCain Shoos Man From Phoenix Town Hall”

I thought there was a “t” after the “oo”
And imagined something gory
Which, you have to admit, would be a
Very different kind of story.


Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Violin Played As Titanic Sank Sold For More Than $1.7 Million

Maybe it’s just me but if I’m ever in an ensemble
That’s sinking fast, trust me, that’ll
Be my cue to stop playing,  jump overboard & use
My stringed instrument as a paddle.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

JP Morgan CEO Dimon Is Eager To Move Beyond $13 Billion Fine

Jamie, let me take a moment here to
Politely remind you
When you are the problem, you can’t
Put it behind you.

Monday, October 21, 2013

Why Senator Ted Cruz Spending So Much Time On House Issues Is Like A Weird Neighborhood Watch Meeting

This guy has crazy ideas and warns any dissenters
That opposing him will mean a bruising defeat.
Someone finally gets a word in edgewise and then
Tells him, “You don’t even live on this street.”

In “60 Minutes” Interview, Dick Cheney Finally Gave Some TV-Loving Republicans A Reason To Hate Him

He kept secrets for eight years as Dubya’s VP
But felt there wasn’t any bad reason
To reveal a major “Homeland” plot point that
Helped define its second season?

Friday, October 18, 2013

Weiner Insists He’d Be Mayor “If The Internet Didn’t Exist”

Anthony, I can understand your disappointment and
How much you’ve resented it.
I suggest you send a below the waist selfie to Al Gore,
The guy who (duh) invented it.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Romney Gets Approval On Plans To Remodel His Home In La Jolla

The timing to do this couldn’t be better
Which means Mitt has no need to grouse:
He’ll be tearing down his home just as
The Tea Party has torn down the House.

Republicans Are Better At Identifying A Problem Than Knowing What To Do About It

Shutting down the government to stop Obamacare?
Not a well-thought out plan of attack
It’s like being bombed here at home by the Saudis
And then deciding to invade Iraq.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Ted Cruz Hired As A Waiter At Tortilla Coast Where He Held His Secret Tea Party Meeting In The Basement

“Yeah, I know you ordered the inside out burrito…  but unless
You reject Obamacare, I’m afraid I am
Unable to serve you & your only sustenance will have to be my
Reading from ‘Green Eggs and Ham.’”

Coming Soon To Op-Ed Columns And Political Talk Shows Near You

So, who exactly is to blame the most?
I won’t linger anointing
Boehner or Cruz. Let’s just sit back &
Enjoy the finger pointing.

Possible Upside Of The Republicans Shutting Down The Government

Some terrorists may wind up throwing in the towel.
“What a mistake we’ve made! The
Tea Party can hurt the U.S. much more than we can:
Maybe we can disband al Qaeda.”


Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Rep. Rangel Compares Tea Party Republicans To Southerners Who Fought In The Civil War

Charlie, I know you’re trying to talk to tough but
You really have to do better. It
Is pretty clear that for the GOP it’s a compliment
To be called a “Confederate.”

Sign #1 It’s Not A Good Time To Attach Yourself To Ted Cruz’s Coattails

What single event best describes the current state
Of his debasement?
He met with House pals in a Tex-Mex restaurant
Down in the basement.

Lawmaker Detention, Anyone?

We tell our kids not to procrastinate
So that their future will be brighter
But here is our entire government
Shamelessly pulling an all-nighter.


Monday, October 14, 2013

GOP Congressmen Throw In The Towel Regarding The Shutdown

They decided to kick it to the other house
At the particular moment when it
Dawned on them they could now whine,
“We didn’t cave! Blame the Senate!”


Sunday, October 13, 2013

To Republicans Who Currently Doubt Any & All Polls

PeyserPoem for 10-13-13

Taking their lead from Ted Cruz, these folks would be wise
To not blindly ignore the specter
That like-minded pols who insisted Romney couldn’t lose
Now work in the private sector.


Friday, October 11, 2013

Reflecting On The Recent GOP Hissy Fit

Why does Boehner still feel that the shutdown
Was a worthy thing to try?
Perhaps because the weepy Speaker is so fond
Of having a really good cry.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Shutdown Update

PeyserPoem for 10-10-13

The GOP assumed they'd win and this would end
With glasses triumphantly clinking
But that odd noise you’re hearing across the nation
Is the sound of Republicans blinking.

Monday, October 7, 2013

Simplifying The Shutdown

PeyserPoem for 10-8-13

The Republicans broke in the White House, trashed it
And are proud of this unseemly assault.
However, they're all willing to step up and admit that
This entire mess is the Democrats fault.