Thursday, May 31, 2012

On New App, Romney's Campaign Calls USA "Amercia"

This is a massive & embarrassing typo
That can’t be what Mitt had desired:
Expect a spokesman to soon announce
The person who did it has been fried.

New Phone Device In Japan Functions As A Geiger Counter

This unique gizmo came about because
Phone consumers said what bedevils
Them was not having an accurate sense
Of the current radiation levels.

Responding to customers’ needs is all
Well and good but as this is presented
It seems this is probably destined to be
The most depressing app ever invented.

Apps can inform, entertain and amuse ---
Fans cheer each latest arrival
But the fun dissipates here as you ponder
Its potential role for survival.

If you need a geiger counter on a daily basis,
Using a modified smart phone can improve
Your state of mind but, c’mon, let’s get real:
Isn’t it probably time for you to move?

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Embittered Facebook Investors Ponder Next Move

Some are so livid that they threaten
(Metaphorically) to stab the knife.
Others are even more desperate
And may go offline to get a life.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Grave New World

This Elvis Presley artifact
If you have the space and
Inclination means you can buy
Where he rested before Graceland.

One hundred grand is the opening bid ---
That price may make you swoon.
This crypt sale will be held
In Beverly Hills in June.

You may recall the coffin of
Lee Harvey Oswald when
It was sold for $87,000
In December of 2010.

These should be classified
As morbid memorabilia.
Or (even though it isn’t a word)
I’d call them necrobilia.

Some say these items are investments.
I see them as rather foolish
Things to spend good money on ---
Call it a goulash of ghoulish.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Aide To Pope Charged Over Leaked Vatican Letters

These confidential documents have
(It’s pretty easy to agree)
Lifted the lid on alleged nepotism &
Corruption at the Holy See.

To find out who was responsible
Authorities had to borrow
The skills of Miss Jane Marple
Or perhaps even Hercule Poirot.

One might imagine old mystery standards
Would normally forbid it
But people: this is a case where it appears
The butler actually did it.

Paolo Gabriele faces serious charges ---
I’m sure it also grieves
Fans of P.G. Wodehouse to see a butler
Who is so unlike Jeeves.

Friday, May 25, 2012

Harvard Embarrassed Because Unabomber Had Entry In 50th Reunion Book

You probably saw this odd item which was mentioned
by many news outlets. However, the real story of Ted
Kaczynski often remains as remote as that Montana
shack he lived in for so many years.
What All Schoolchildren Learn                                                                         

by Tony Peyser

“I and the public know
What all schoolchildren learn,
Those to whom evil is done
Do evil in return.”

                        --- W.H. Auden
                “September 1, 1939”

His mother thought her young son
might be autistic. It’s clear now he

was at the highest end of this syn-
drome & must’ve had Asperger’s.

While in the fifth grade, his IQ was
determined to be 167. His astonish-

ing intellectual skills were matched
with his profoundly lacking social


            *          *          *

He went off to college at the tender
young age of 16. It should come as

no surprise that he didn’t fit in. It
might come as a surprise that part

of his curriculum --- over a period
of years --- was being subjected to

severe psychological tests while he
was strapped in a chair & connected

to electrodes. This research project
intentionally brutalized his already

fragile sense of self.

            *          *          *

His violent spree went on for over a
decade, a saga of revenge & mayhem.

It’s curious he didn’t target the man
who conducted all those experiments.

That might have induced some sense
of closure or, at least, symmetry.

            *          *          *

Here in the second decade of the 21st
century, we’re all terrified of foreign

evildoers and yet we’re so skilled at
manufacturing our own. Lee Harvey

Oswald, James Earl Ray and Timothy
McVeigh were all in the army. This

benignly named “personality study”
which transformed this unbalanced

teenager into a psychopath took place
at an acclaimed academic institution

(Harvard University) and was sponsor-
ed by the CIA. The man in charge was

Dr. Henry Murray. What he did to this
adolescent was utterly depraved. Yes,

Ted Kaczynski a.k.a. The Unabomber
should remain in prison the rest of his

life but Murray was never punished for
any of his crimes, let alone charged with

anything. Mathematics was Kaczynski’s
best subject. It wasn’t mine. But even I

know that this doesn’t add up.

Romney Regrets "I Like To Fire People" Comment

This is understandable, an awful gaffe
He's trying now to edit
But like his attack on a gay classmate,
No one will forget it.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Happy Birthday, Bob Dylan!

His profile on the American landscape
Remains rather sturdy.
At 71, I doubt he still declines to trust
Anyone over thirty.

He swiped his name from a Welsh poet whose
Short life had such promise.
I’ve recently decided to now refer to that writer
As Zimmerman Thomas.

Bob turned folk songs political and then
Dared to make folk go electric.
He briefly converted to Christianity but
He didn’t convert to metric.

His stint with The Traveling Wilburys
Made many yell and whoop.
You have my permission to call them
The supergroup’s super group.

Down the road, Dylan’s fame will grow
His songs will always be sung
Equal parts Twain, Guthrie and Kerouac:
Forever ours & forever young.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

While Addressing Latino Group, Romney Never Mentioned Immigration

This is such a knuckleheaded thing to do
And so very easy to disparage:
It's like talking to gays & lesbians without
Ever bringing up gay marriage.

Eugene Polley Dies: Created TV Remote Control

This swell gizmo made him famous
Was a major invention and
May explain why so many of us no
Longer have an attention span.

But, to be fair, that was going to happen &
Couldn't really be prevented
Because the same (or more) damage would
Come when PCs were invented.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Despite Huge Popularity, Millions Stay Away From Facebook

This is --- of course ---  a logical way
For those who are mavericks to wind up.
The only problem is the rest of us can't
Unfriend people who haven't signed up.

After Florida Speech, Romney Avoids Reporters

These one-sided appearances aren't about news:
Spin is their only aim:
So wouldn't calling them "suppress conferences"
Be a much better name?

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

One Photo Of Rebekah Brooks Is Worth 1,000 Parliamentary Inquiries

Look at the picture I've linked to.
Just take a moment and stare:
Murdoch's phone hacking scandal
Is probably hidden in her hair.

Spending Untold Millions To Buy An Election

I'd be willing to guess it will work
For Mitt in
The same way it did for Governor
Meg Whitman.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

After Recently Seeing "The Exorcist"

Yeah, it holds up. It's still terrifying.
Not a frame would I dare cut ---
But it may not be quite as scary as
Mitt Romney giving you a haircut.;postID=6364156827848588633

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Mitt Apologizes For "Dumb Things" He Did In Prep School

The king of flipping and flopping
First didn't recall any day
He and friends bullied classmates
Both known to be gay.

Then, hold on, Mitt did remember
This part of each situation:
Neither incident had anything to do
With sexual orientation.

These "things" were hostile --- not "dumb."
Before any of us any further get caught up
In spin, "dumb" is running for president and
Thinking stuff like this won't be brought up.

Obama Supports Same Sex Marriage

This epic decision onto the political
Landscape like a twister arrives.
It may force Mitt to say he'll support
Improved rights for sister wives.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

The Downside Of Christie Being Mitt's VP Choice

Even detractors admit Chris makes an impression:
An in your face, bigger than life glad-hander
But if voters take a closer gander at him, won't it
Make bland Romney seem even blander?

The two of them side by side would
Make more than a few people mutter,
"That looks like a Baked Alaska next to
Stale white bread without any butter."

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Jeb Bush Isn't Interested In The VP Job With Romney

The name "Bush" in 2012 is to be avoided.
Let me mention yet another similar nonstarter:
Upcoming movies from Disney won't say,
"From the studio that brought you 'John Carter.'"

Monday, May 7, 2012

Depressed bin-Laden Thought About Changing Al-Qaeda Name

He should've started his own network with shows that people
Would welcome in their homes.
I would have gone with "The O'Sama Factor" and then follow
It up with "Insanity & Colmes."

Friday, May 4, 2012

Ann Romney Does Not Rock That $990 Shirt

This proves money can't buy taste:
A disgrace to either party.
Crap like this for billionaires is their
Version of Ed Hardy.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Late April And Early May Has Always Been A Tough Time For Despots

News Corp has less ways to frighten:
Rupert Murdoch's now an unfit titan.

A sigh of relief that the whole world feels ---
Osama bin-Laden's killed by Navy SEALs.

With a bullet and cyanide
Hitler commits suicide.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Terror Group Hid Plans In Porn Video

Titles I'd have devised to pass along
Such a scheme filled with malice
Are "Deep Threat" and "Debbie Does
Considerable Damage To Dallas."

Ex-House Speaker Ends His White House Bid

Newt sensed that Republicans didn't like Mitt and
Caused him much duress.
However, what Gingrich forgot is that GOP voters
Liked him even less.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

New Obama Ad Reminds Voters Of Massive Problems He Inherited From Bush

I bet the GOP response to this will be,
"Excuse me but may we trouble you
For more 411? We've never heard of
This guy who you call George W."