Friday, June 29, 2012

Some Thoughts On CNN & Fox Getting The Supreme Court Ruling Wrong

Big stories like this for news channels
Can often bring out the worst
Because the pressure isn’t to be right
But to announce the story first.

Perhaps those two organizations can each
Change their motto a fraction more
Along the lines of, “All the news that’s fit
To later run a retraction for.”

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Late-Breaking News For 6-28-12

6:59 a.m.
"Only Socialists support Obamacare!"
Was the conclusion the right had reached.

7:00 a.m.
"In related news ... Chief Justice Roberts
Is a Socialist and must be impeached!

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Romney Wants Retraction From Washington Post On Story About Jobs Moving Overseas

Mitt --- those haters say all these mean things
And each one is just a myth, you
Should stand up like you’re Luke Skywalker:
May the outsource be with you.

Breastaurants, Along The Lines of Hooters, Are Becoming Increasingly Popular

They’re unabashedly aimed at guys
The macho and the wimpy:
Who cares how the scampi is when
The outfits are so skimpy?

Men love their waitresses more than usual
And adore it when they hover much
Of the time. There isn’t a cover charge and
The outfits don’t ever cover much.

Some of these chains try to not seem sleazy
But one may perhaps sense a
Determination wasn’t made with Mugs N Jugs
To target members of Mensa.


Thoughts After Seeing Antonin Scalia’s Recent Hissy Fit

His behavior was so unhinged and,
In the end so grim, it’s
The best argument yet for Supreme
Court justice term limits.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Mitt's Message To Hispanics On The Lawn Of A New Day

“Regardless if you’re rich or poor
The one thing that you must know
Is yes, you’ve come a long way but
There’s still much more to mow.”

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Soldiers Who Torched Copies Of The Quran Will Only Face Administrative Discipline

My legal advice for those accused men
Would’ve been portraying them
As not having burned these books but
Instead have been sauteing them.

Mubarak's Days In Prison Won't Be Long

The former president of Egypt is currently in a coma 
The story that I link to addresses this ---
But the photo reveals Hasni can still do a pretty good
Impression of Gene Simmons from KISS.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Bon Jour, Mes Pauvres Americains!

Mrs. Romney has horses that are
Each worth a few hundred grand:
Yeah --- that’s a hobby financially
Strapped voters can understand.

Everyone on her husband’s staff is wary
That it very well may seem
Elitist that one of Ann’s horses is on the
Olympics equestrian team.

One other aspect about this that
Makes your jaw clench
Is that she favors dressage, which
C’mon, is just tres French.

The Romney campaign will all insist
This is a feather in Ann’s chapeau.
Marie Antoinette would be so proud:
“Let them eat gateau!”

Most Immigrants Are Now Not Hispanic: Racists Must Readjust

“Nice going, liberals in unions, who work
As border area screeners ---
You screwed up and now we’re overrun
With a bunch of soy beaners!”

Monday, June 18, 2012

Rodney King, Focal Point Of L.A. Riots, Dies At 47

53 people dead, $1 billion in damages:
What the hell went wrong?
The battered man at the epicenter said,
“Can’t we just get along?”

This simple question from this troubled man
Retains a haunting ring
That resonates with the big ideas of Gandhi &
Even that other King.

Many years filled with legal problems made
So many feel resigned; it
Was ironic King spoke eloquently for peace
But wasn’t able to find it.

A lawsuit awarded him millions but he wasn’t
Meant to go shopping at Nieman’s ---
It wasn’t until he sank to the bottom of his pool
That he finally escaped from his demons.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Father & Son

I’m reminded of “Lolita” where Humbert Humbert
Talked of his obsession (so exquisite)
And argued there’s an unspoiled retreat in her mind
That he will never be allowed to visit.

There’s a similar garden inside my autistic son’s head
Which entering I’m often denied
But sometimes the wrought iron gate there swings open
And I’m allowed a glimpse inside.

While watching a PBS show on aging, I asked:
“Jeremy --- am I young or old?”
“Old,” he said without the slightest hesitation.
His attitude added I was told

This with utmost certitude --- Jeremy had
Absolutely not a single shred of doubt.
Thanks, kiddo, for weighing in on this …
And straightening your old man out.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

The Big Thought During The Sandusky Trial

We’re all looking forward
To that day when
Jerry goes from Penn State
To the state pen.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Jamie Dimon, CEO Of JP Morgan Chase, Apologizes For Losing $2 Billion Of Stockholders Money

I’m sorry, Mr. Dimon, but
“I’m sorry” isn’t enough.
Your personal stock is so declining

That what's called for is more
Of something along the lines
Of, “I’m sorry ... and I’m resigning.”

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

KKK Won’t Be Allowed To “Adopt” A Highway In Georgia

The racist group wanted a little good p.r.
But it was an unwise thing to do:
The crux for Klux is this plan by the Klan
Just proved they don’t have a Klu.

New York Times Style Article Says Bangs Are Making A Big Comeback

I don’t mean to weigh in here & sound
Like I’m some anti-fashion sorehead
But when men check out women, rarely
Do they ever look at their forehead.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Rumors We’ll Soon Probably Hear: In College, Romney “Experimented” With Coffee

In a statement, he’ll swear he doesn’t remember.
However, if he did, it must have been decaffeinated.
In related news, is it just me … or does Mitt seem
Not like a real person but someone who’s laminated?

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Former Pro Football Players File Lawsuit Against League Over Head Injuries

This is just the kind of problem that fills
NFL owners with dread:
They need this p.r. about concussions
Like a kick in the head.

Post-Mortem On Trying To Recall The Governor In Wisconsin

If Democrats really had wanted to win this
And change things there at a fast pace
Why didn’t they pick someone to run who
Hadn't lost to Walker in the last race?

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

The Final Day Of The Queen’s Jubilee

Pomp? Check? Circumstance? Got that, too,
Worthy of an ancient pharaoh ---
The royals all looked great (but Camilla’s hat
Did rather resemble a sombrero.)

Monday, June 4, 2012

21 Year Old Prodigy Who Started College At 9 Gets His MD From The University Of Chicago

Sho Yano worked incredibly hard ---
There wasn’t ever anything flashy in
His studies. He makes Sheldon Cooper
Look dumber than a Kardashian.

Dirt Against Romney That Will Probably Emerge Right Before The Election

This is precisely the kind of opposition research
That Democrats are eager to drag in:
An oil painting of Mormon founder Joseph Smith
With a dog atop his covered wagon.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

John Edwards' Mistress Has A Memoir Coming Out Later This Month

Philanderers, after soul-searching,
And a long hard look feel
Nothing could ever be any worse
Than an ex- with a book deal.

Rielle Hunter’s so scary that cheating husbands
May see this as a parable
With such a downside that some may reconsider
Anything extramarital.

She’ll inspire these guys to mend their ways
And stop tomcatting tomfoolery.
These men will start showering their wives
With fancy cars and jewelry.

Exotic vacations, expensive dinners will be
Added to atone for their misdeeds.
Ms. Hunter could give our ailing economy
The boost it so desperately needs.