Friday, August 31, 2012

Last Thought On The 2012 RNC

Was Clint’s weird speech
A stealth maneuver
(Perhaps the most diabolical
One ever seen)

Because like Huckabee, Ryan,
Santorum, Paul, Christie,
Jeb and Rubio, he plans to run
In 2016?

Clint will be 86
And I will admit
That might not be
Quite the right thing

But really white
And really old
Really appeals
To the right wing.

Clint & Mitt At The RNC

Watching Clint wing it was sad and made me
Want to hide under blankets in my bedroom.
I now know who Romney reminds me of ---
That robotic Eighties relic Max Headroom.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Two Racist RNC Attendees Ejected For Hurling Nuts And Insults At Black CNN Camerawoman

Before the Republicans will allow their identities revealed
They’ll insist on more time to elapse.
Like Bain Capital and Mitt’s taxes, it’s just something else
For Team Romney to keep under wraps.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

A Few Thoughts On The Convention Address Delivered By Mitt’s Wife

Mrs. Romney gave a lovely speech.
However, she made a tiny flub ---
She said, “This is our country” but
She meant, “This is our country club.”

I Love The Smell Of Paranoia In The Morning

You know what really makes
Me sick? That
Mitt's planning to take away
Your six-pack!

Mormons don’t drink!
His secret mission
Is bringing back good
Old Prohibition!

In addition to closing up
All your favorite bars
Mitt won’t let you watch
“Dancing With The Stars.”

Mormons don’t dance!
The future’s gonna be
Not even toe-tapping
To Donny & Marie!

What’s next on his ban
Against honest folk?
Mitt will outlaw letting
You have a smoke!

Mormons don’t smoke!
You’ve had your quota!
Next Mitt will come after
Your favorite soda!

Mormons hate caffeine!
That means that you
Have had your last Pepsi,
Coke & Mountain Dew!

Mormons hate coffee!
Even if you know karate
You will never again
Drink a Starbucks latte!

Victoria’s Secret models
Will be filled with despair!
Even they can’t be sexy in
Mormon Magic underwear!

I have seen the future and it
Doesn’t look pretty!
A bland gulag reminiscent
Of Salt Lake City!

Let’s close ranks right now and
Soldier on possessed
United to fight the power of the
Mormon Conquest!

(If you are offended … c’mon!
I’m only blowing smoke:
Not unlike Mitt’s birther remark
This was just a "joke.")

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Romney Admits Democratic Attacks Are Hurting Him With Voters. Actually, It’s Worse Than That.

Mitt, the simple truth is you had
Reasons to be feeling defensive
That began rather long before the
Democrats’ recent ad offensive.

No matter how much you have tried
To carve out your own niche, did
You ever think it’s just we don’t like
A secretive and entitled rich kid?

Why Mitt’s Recent Birther “Joke” Matters

His motivation here is
Simply the basest yet:
It says, “I need every
Racist that I can get."

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Possible New Direction For Romney Regarding Transparency

Mitt needs to do a TV spot that says,
America, I have a lot of pride
But, if asked, I will also admit that
I have a great deal to hide.

Like nasty business practices at Bain.
(The complaining never ends!)
And using the Utah Olympics to enrich
My already very rich friends.

I mention “faith” (not that I’m a Mormon)
And even though pressure mounts
I won’t release more tax returns or discuss
My Swiss and Cayman accounts.

But don’t you have some secrets, too,
Dark ones that are so
Awful that you don’t want anyone to
Ever ... ever know?

Of course you do --- you’re just like me!
Want more truth? I’ll leak it:
You can’t trust a guy running for president
If he can’t keep a secret.

So, forget Obama and just vote for me
Show people how you care, but
Don’t forget Honesty is just a sissy I’d
Like to attack and give a haircut."

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Peter Thiel, Early Facebook Investor, Sells 20 Million Of His Shares

Was it due to how much the stock dropped?
I would guess … but I’m fine
With suggesting Thiel maybe did it because
He really hates the Timeline.

The Lesson For Republicans Of Todd "Legitimate Rape" Akin

Whenever you encourage venomous talk
As the strategy that unites you
Don’t whine when something crawls out
From under a rock & bites you.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Pennsylvania Hospital Refused To Give Heart Transplant To Man With Autism

Yankees slugger Mickey Mantle often
Made pitchers quiver ---
The only thing he damaged more (with
Booze) was his own liver.

But Mantle got a new one at 64. The
Harm was far greater
From his cancer than was feared: he
Died two months later.

Dick Cheney’s heart problems began
In his thirties. They were no joke
But he didn’t exercise, often overate
And he also was known to smoke.

Cheney got a new heart this year at 71.
Grumbling still does persist
That suggests his name perhaps unfairly
Moved up the transplant list.

Their behavior didn’t help their conditions.
My thoughts are unswerving
That other transplant seekers quite arguably
Were far more deserving.

This explains why 23-year-old Paul Corby
Should receive a new heart:
Being autistic shouldn’t stop him from getting
A coronary fresh start.

If you draw the line at autism, what’s next?
Should a transplant application sour
If a person in need is often drunk with drink
Or perhaps just drunk with power?

(Other folks who got organs and delayed
Becoming a premature cadaver? It
Includes car designer Carroll Shelby and
Robert Altman, a Hollywood maverick.)

And was 70-year-old Bobby Rydell recently kicked
To the curb and given a shove?
Nope. He got a new liver & kidney from a hospital
In the City of Brotherly Love.

When times are tough, hospitals should whenever
They can try to be frugal. It
Shouldn’t mean only helping those whose names
Get the most hits if you Google it.

It also shouldn’t be the case with organ donors
And how the doctors select them
That someone is automatically disqualified if
They’re on the autism spectrum.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

54 Years Ago Today, One Of The Most Controversial & Greatest Novels Was First Published In America

In his whole life, he made only two attempts
to drive. In 1915, by himself, he maneuvered

his family’s convertible into a ditch. In 1950,
with his wife sitting beside him, he “narrowly

missed crashing into the only car standing at
the far end of a spacious parking lot.”


Keep this in mind the next time that you read (or
re-read) “Lolita.” Vladimir Nabokov’s acclaimed

novel took place largely on the road and provided
millions of book lovers across the world with the

greatest literary ride of their lives. The only thing
Nabokov could never give us was a lift home.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

It’s Time For Mitt To Double Down

“I’m not ever EVER releasing my taxes!”
OK, fine, we get it.
But I just want to be supremely sure you
Don’t ever forget it

Is the right time right now to up the ante
In all fifty states
And defiantly declare that you also won’t
Do any debates.

And why should you? Obama’s too good!
You’ve got the perfect defense, too ---
Why give Barack a chance to hear you say
Something stupid & use it against you?

And don’t let your VP pick debate either.
C’mon, you really don’t want to see
Paul go nuts when Biden teases him with,
“Ryan & Ayn Rand sitting in a tree …”

Man up! This is your moment! Your Alamo!
It’ll wind up in Mormon scripture!
(I know --- the Alamo guys got slaughtered
But just think of the big picture.)

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

The Romney-Ryan Ticket

Who thought this would make
Anyone undecided switch? Did
They seriously want this year
To run a rich guy & a rich kid?

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Christie Will Deliver GOP Keynote Speech

He’ll give a barnburner and delegates will want
To demonstrate, whine and picket
Over the fact that he wasn’t the candidate who
Wound up on top of the 2012 ticket.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Instead Of Moving To The Center, Romney Picks The Extremist Ryan

A VP who wants to kill Medicare is as popular
With Democrats as undercooked spinach.
It’s like Obama trying to appeal to Republicans
By deciding to run with Dennis Kucinich.

“Expendables 2” Star Jean-Claude Van Damme Says Movie Studio Heads Conspired Against Him

I think that at the end of the day with
Each and every fact listed
We’ll quickly see he wasn’t important
Enough to be blacklisted.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

The Faux Indignation At Reid’s Tax Attacks Against Romney

Anthony Weiner’s wife is in the Muslim Brotherhood.
Hillary Clinton is a lesbian --- then ya
Can’t forget Vince Foster was killed, Bubba dealt drugs
And Barack is (of course) from Kenya.

Right wingers not being wild about Harry is
A strange sentiment for them to utter
Since slinging all manner of horrible hooey
Is (in fact) their bread & their butter.

These claims by the Majority Leader make many
Republicans an absolute wreck ---
They hate to see Democrats strategically playing
The favorite card in the GOP deck.

A Christian Science Monitor writer said something
That must have Reid grinning:
The gist of it was that Harry may be bluffing but now
It would appear he’s winning.

Monday, August 6, 2012

Marilyn Monroe On A Balcony Of The Ambassador Hotel In New York, 1955

Beautiful, enticing, as tall as a skyscraper.
Innocent: not about to grind & bump, yet
So sad. My wife said, “She looks as if
She hasn’t decided whether to jump yet.”

Friday, August 3, 2012

Mitt Romney 101 (Vol. #17)

When asked about his taxes
His eyes start rapidly blinking.
This means what he says next
Isn’t what he’s really thinking.

He’ll then switch to nervous laughing
But bet even money
That nothing he’s said or heard then
Is remotely funny.

An absence, a genuine fake but his
Political problems are real:
When you’re nothing, everything
Is something to conceal.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

59 Years Ago, JFK Rescued All But Two Of His Crew After A Japanese Destroyer’s Attack At Sea

When he later ran for president, these heroics
Were (of course) all duly noted:
Why didn’t the GOP claim this was overblown
So he could’ve been PT boated?