Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Justice Scalia Wonders If Same-Sex Parents Are Harmful To Children

His daughter, Ann, was booked for child endangerment
In 2007 --- my, my, my.
The other charge that came up during that traffic incident
Was, if memory serves, a DUI.

You really do have to think about how she was raised ---
Being a fair guy, this usually forbids
Leaping to conclusions but maybe different-sex parents like
Antonin & Ann aren’t good for kids.

Monday, March 25, 2013

Four Hikers Fall In Eaton Canyon, One Dies

(I live near a popular hiking spot in Altadena, California where nearly
every weekend some hapless nature lover gets hurt and then has to be
rescued. This situation is now beyond out of control.)

I’m so sick of reading headlines like that one
That I’m willing to be the front man
To suggest the bottoms of the waterfalls there
Need air bags as used by a stunt man.

If those were installed, when someone stumbles
And then rapidly plummets earthward, a call
To paramedics could probably be avoided since
Something would be there to break their fall.

Some of you may scoff at this notion and perhaps
Have already begun derisive smirking
But, seriously, is this idea any worse than what’s
In play now that’s clearly not working?

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Our Planet Is 80 Million Years Older Than Previously Believed

Things have gone so Hollywood:
Yes, we’ve reached the stage
Where even Mother Earth has
Been lying about her age.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

In Bill O’Reilly’s Divorce, He’s Strong-arming Church To Claim Marriage Never Happened

If he’s able to do this, the fallout
He can’t avoid
Is having to rename his children
Null and Void.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Singer Michelle Shocked Shocks Fans With Onstage Anti-Gay Rant

Many clubs who’d booked her now
Insist she’ll never be back ---
Her only new gig will be appearing
This time next year at CPAC.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

The Vatican Big Shots Who Call The Shots

How do all of those pedophile
Priests label them?
Cardinals are the guys who’ll
Always enable them.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Putting Old Pictures Into The Favorite Things You’ve Read

This form of safe-keeping
Creates a curious amalgam
That transforms any book
Into a photo album.


But this 20th century habit
Has begun to dwindle
As more people turn to
e-readers like Kindle.


Yet the makers all of
These digital devices
May eventually realize
Precisely how nice is


This habit and find ways
For snapshots you took
To be inserted into your
Kobo Glo or Nook.

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Bieber Screams "I'll Beat The F**ck Out Of You!" At Photographer

He’s tiny, super cute and when
The paparazzi en masse are sicced
On Justin, you can bet he will get
His Canadian asterisk kicked.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Hugo Chavez Is Dead

If Sean Penn attends the funeral, right wingers
Will feel this is unholy.
I’m hoping he goes but only if he decides to

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Sign That Emeritus Pope Benedict Wants To Start Dating

I saw a photo of him & knew that ring
He wanted to toss his hat in:
His email was on his mitre along with
“Call me maybe” in Latin.

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Postcards From Victory Park (Vol. 3)

From under ten to nearly twenty, they’re lured
By some sports-loving siren:
Year-round here it seems that baseball is being
Played on every diamond.

As my son and I walk by them on a daily basis
I wouldn’t call it coincidental
That the coaches are drilling into their players
Every kind of fundamental.

“Infielders! Don’t let ground balls get past you!
That can cost you a game!
Outfielders! Make sure you catch it before you
Throw it! Work on your aim!”

The kids have done the drills dozens of times and
Some seem a bit upset --- it
Is like they want to tell their coaches, “We know
This stuff & won’t forget it.”

On one field on the following Saturday afternoon
We couldn’t help quickly becoming aware
A real game was being played and we learned why
Coaches are going gray or losing their hair.

It was impossible for anyone watching to ignore
What had just occurred ---
An awful throw to first was followed by an even
More wretched one to third.

This made one coach apoplectic. He jumped up and down
And was loudly squawking about.
When Casey Stengel said, “Can’t anybody play this game?”
This is what he was talking about.