Lawmaker Steve LaTourette Is Retiring

In 2003, this Ohio Republican had

An unforgettable fling

With an underling whose name had

A most memorable ring.

I wonder if this LaTourette

Chap took

A special delight in hiring Jennifer

Laptook.

With a name like that, LaTourette

Couldn’t resist

This former aide who had become

A lobbyist.

How long did Mister LaTourette have to wait

To get a chance

For Laptook to put down her laptop & hop up

For a lap dance?

(People, I swear sometimes

The poetry elves

Intervene & these poems just

Write themselves.)

Like fellow philanderer Speaker Gingrich who

Often heard lots of boos & hisses

LaTourette hoped to put this behind him when

He made his mistress his next Mrs.

And like Republicans with wandering eyes

Whose behavior is contradictable

He wanted Bill impeached due to Monica ---

These guys are so predictable.

http://www.salon.com/2004/10/05/lobbyist/

Romney Aide Tells Persistent Reporters In Poland To “Kiss My Ass … This Is A Holy Site For The Polish People”

It's always a treat when a guy like Rick Gorka
Finds time & poetically waxes.
Yeah, that oughta make those political writers
Stop asking about Mitt’s taxes.

http://news.yahoo.com/mitt-romney-spokesman-tells-reporters-kiss-polish-holy-110442318--abc-news-politics.html

Michele Bachmann Has Questions About Huma Abedin: Why Isn’t She Also Worried About Samah Alreyyes?

Samah Alrayyes is a Kuwaiti PR specialist.

Why should anyone get more pissed

About her than Anthony’s Weiner’s wife?

Samah’s hubby is Grover Norquist.

She’s a Palestinian Muslim. Shouldn’t any

Republican devoted to all things Israeli

Be concerned she’s married to the guy who

Is the god right wingers pray to daily?

How do they really know Samah isn’t a spy

A devious and cunning smarty

Who has brainwashed Norquist and intends

To subvert the Republican party?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grover_Norquist#Personal_life

Romney Forgets (Or Doesn’t Know) The Name Of The Head Of Britain’s Labour Party

In related news, Mitt said he loves sci-fi movies

Whenever the aliens land

Approach an earthling and then boldly tell them,

“Take me to your Miliband!”

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/mr-leader-did-mitt-romney-forget-ed-milibands-name-7978925.html

Romney Tells NBC He Doubts Olympics Will Go Well & British People Seem Insufficiently Excited

This gaffe so stunned pundits here and abroad

Some briefly seem to lack words ---

Humiliated, Mitt walked back his criticism like

A dressage horse walking backwards.

http://2012.talkingpointsmemo.com/2012/07/romney-london-olympics-gaffes.php?ref=fpnewsfeed

Kristen Stewart Apologizes For Cheating On Robert Pattinson In Brief Fling With Married Director

Stewart so often appears lifeless and depressed:

When walking she barely seems perpendicular.

It’s hard for me to imagine her having the energy

For something romantically extracurricular.

http://blogs.indiewire.com/theplaylist/there-were-probably-better-days-to-announce-this-alex-pettyfer-will-play-kristen-stewarts-boyfriend-in-cali-20120725

Livid Paterno Family Blasts Huge Sanctions Against Football Program

It’s now getting increasingly harder to hear his

Relatives bitterly then state

Once again Joe didn’t know what Sandusky did

To all of those boys at Penn State.

Harder still is how utterly clueless they are:

Joe’s reputation is tarred

And they’re no longer in a position to play

The indignation card.

http://collegefootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2012/07/23/paterno-family-blasts-ncaa-penn-state-in-statement/

The Dark Truth About Aurora

The one aspect of this tragedy from which

A powerful lobby runs

Happens to do with the absolute ubiquity

Of a little thing called guns.

The President can’t weigh in on this now:

He has already learned the lesson

That many independent voters are fond

Of Mr. Smith and Mr. Wesson.

Selina Kyle warned Bruce Wayne about a storm

But now it’s time to size up

That threat as being against the NRA which may

Cause multitudes to rise up.

What A New Sports Statue At Penn State Should Look Like

Jerry Sandusky abuses a young boy.

The victim looks as if he may

Get help by waving to Coach Paterno

But Joe’s looking the other way.

http://apnews.myway.com/article/20120722/DA0629AO0.html

Controlling Even Discussion About Gun Control

Whenever there’s a shooting spree

I’ve learned to have no doubt this

Is when the NRA will insist this is

Not the right time to talk about this.

In related news, when Wall Street crashed

Causing panic in the world & our nation

Fortune 500 execs claimed this wasn’t

The right time to discuss regulation.

These crises on multiple fronts will go on

For, to hazard a guess, ever and ever.

The only time the powerful want to have

Such discussions is basically … never.

Trailer For The Movie-Connected Mass Shooting

Last Monday, longtime film writer Marshall Fine

Was the first critic who

Had posted on Rotten Tomatoes a rather negative

“Dark Knight Rises” review.

The response was both nasty & rapid:

The film geeks’ collective cry

Was so incensed that many expressed

The view that Fine must die.

This kind of insane behavior unquestionably

Merits a long look:

At least the Salman Rushdie fatwa involved

An entire book.

A death threat over a movie review?

This is now how bad it can get

With mouth-breathing knuckleheads

Typing amok on the internet.

Online anonymity can easily unleash those

Who may feel even a slight snub

To get in touch with their inner Tyler Durden

And act as if they’re in “Fight Club.”

Did these rants cause the Colorado attack?

No --- but they sure don’t help.

If you can’t be civil, stay off such sites and

Resume (or start) whining on Yelp.

http://blogs.indiewire.com/criticwire/dark-knight-rises-critic-receives-death-threats

The Mrs. Swings And Misses With “You People” Comment

With Mitt’s bitter half

The thing you get

Is basically Marie

Annromneytoinette.

http://www.alternet.org/newsandviews/article/1035019/ann_romney_thinks_you_people_know_enough_about_mitt%27s_money%2C_thank_you_very_much/

Rush To Judgment (Vol. 17)

My mother taught screenwriting at AFI

And said nothing was more appealing

Than a character who revealed something

They didn’t know they were revealing.

To hear Rush Limbaugh, one understands

He has forthright views to extol.

However … watching his radio broadcast

Shows a guy who’s out of control.

Bloated, red-faced, sweaty & apoplectic

What comes to one’s attention

Is this rage-filled man who’s all alone

Is in need of an intervention.

He seems ready to explode and the blast

That will be his undoing

Is because he’s been dining daily on all

The bile he’s been spewing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qYiR0-JEKk

Former NH Governor Calls Obama Un-American, Is Then Ordered By Team Romney To Apologize

John Sununu

Came out with a lulu

Ranting Barack’s from Honolulu

And made it sound like he was a Zulu.

Calling the POTUS un-American

Is a bit unwise if you peek

At Sununu’s ancestry which happens

To be Palestinian & Greek.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that

But unlike being born in, oh, Indiana

Is the fact that Mr. Sununu came into this

World in --- wait for it --- Havana.

That city is, let’s not forget, in Cuba

Where commies are known to dwell:

Given where he was born, how do we

Know he wasn’t loyal to ... Fidel?

He lost his Chief of Staff gig with 41

Due to a wide variety of abuse

Of his position like using official aircraft

For his own private use.

The part of this scandal that created

A host of yells and hollers

Was his personal plane tab wound up

At over $600,000.

Buh-bye, it’s been swell, see-ya!

The fact is more than a few knew

There aren’t many total yahoos

As loony and swoony as Sununu.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/election-2012/sununu-obama-learn-american-article-1.1116296

Conservatives Blast Romney For Not Releasing His Tax Returns

All of the problems they reveal must be so enormous

He knows most voters couldn’t handle the truth:

To avoid going public, Mitt would rather drive around
With dogs, gays and lawn jockeys on his roof.

http://politicalwire.com/archives/2012/07/15/conservatives_blast_romney_on_tax_returns.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+PoliticalWire+%28Political+Wire%29

Amazing News! Drudge Says Condi Is On Mitt’s Shortlist For VP!

I’m speechless, dumbfounded & feel like

I’m always the last to know:

I could have sworn The Drudge Report

Had vanished years ago.

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/ticket/condoleezza-rice-really-romney-vp-shortlist-132627633.html

Romney’s Ill-Advised Defense Against Attacks He’s Hidden Money Overseas

Using a “blind trust” as a fig leaf

Only makes Mitt teeter ---

It’s like Chris Christie trying to

Hide behind a parking meter.

http://www.theatlanticwire.com/politics/2012/07/romney-still-gets-money-bain-through-offshore-accounts/54146/

What Do Facebook Co-Founder Eduardo Saverin & Socialite Denise Rich Have In Common?

They’ve revoked their U.S. citizenship.

Hearing this, I laughed hard.

It’s the tax-based 21^st century version

Of burning your draft card.

http://livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com/entries/denise-rich-renounces-us-citizenship

Why Are People So Happy About The Break-up Of Cruise & Holmes?

She took the cards she was dealt & let

It be known she wasn’t bluffing.

How did it go? Feel free to do the math:

Katie 1, Scientology Nothing.

http://bostonherald.com/track/celebrity/view/20120710tom_cruise_divorce_agreement_gives_katie_holmes_primary_custody

Reason #17 Why Romney Will Never Agree To Any Town Hall Meetings

A coed raises her hand. “Governor,
I wonder about your essential beliefs.
Regarding underwear, do you prefer
Magic boxers … or magic briefs?”

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Temple_garment

Chris Christie’s Jersey Shore Meltdown With Pro-Teacher Passerby

In the annals of famous fat tough guys,

Gangster Al Capone

Deployed a baseball bat and for that is

Still widely known.

And here the Garden State governor

Was heard to piss and moan

Looking something less than macho

Wielding an ice cream cone.

Perhaps he was so mad because he was caught

Having this non-dietetic treat

The kind of food he swore to his doctors & wife

He knows better than to eat.

In any event, the only thing

About him

You could honestly call thin

Is his skin.

http://www.nj.com/news/index.ssf/2012/07/boardwalk_brawl_gov_christie_i.html#incart_mce

Katie Holmes Came To Her Senses & Dumped Tom Cruise

Good for you, sweetie --- I’m sure this wasn’t easy.

You’re happy as a clam since your ship

Has come in. By the way, it must be nice now to not

Have a stupid clam you have to worship.

If you’re a brainwashed scientologist out to censor

People trashing your cult with duplicity,

Please feel free to mention my name & my blog ---

(Truth be told, I could use the publicity.)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operation_Clambake

Romney Campaign Lets Criticism Of His Sending Jobs Overseas Go Unanswered

Mitt’s inability to have these attacks confronted

Suggests he’s endorsed

The idea of having all of his domestic surrogates

Be similarly outsourced.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/mckaycoppins/romney-campaign-lets-outsourcing-attacks-go-unansw

What Does It Take To Take The Prize At Nathan’s Contest? 68 Hot Dogs.

Only here in America

I can happily report

Is an eating disorder

Classified as a sport.

People are obese, people are starving

Times are lean, hopes are thin.

But hey (who cares?) Joey Chestnut

Just got his 6th straight win!

http://www.dailynews.com/breakingnews/ci_21006326/top-dog-joey-chestnut-wins-6th-straight-title

Prehistoric Restaurant Review On Yelp

 

Meat that's had contact with ... flames?

Don't even bother looking.

Fire is just a fad and so is this fancy

New trend called cooking.

Don’t get me started on the Stone Age decor.

It’s unbearable.

I don’t know what “service” is but trust me:

Theirs is terrible.

Egypt’s New President Vows To Win The Release Of World Trade Center Bomber

Mohammed Morsi wants to free the blind cleric:

Seriously? I guess this is probably a case

Of a guy who feels this is the best time for him

To throw some red shawarma to his base.

http://news.yahoo.com/egypts-president-vows-win-release-world-trade-center-183711438--abc-news-topstories.html