Saturday, November 30, 2013
Translation: "I haven't had a hit in many years:
I'm bitter and old with prospects dim.
I'm so f***ing sad that my time has passed but
I feel a little better being mad at him."
Friday, November 29, 2013
I've got nothing at all to add to this headline ---
It's just that I will always sprint
At an opportunity to see the words "bunga bunga"
Have a chance to appear in print.
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
The X-rated films being viewed would appeal to
Any Jihadist or Sheikh ---
"Debbie Does Dubai," "Behind The Green Zone"
And "Arab Spring Break."
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Supreme Court Will Hear Religious Health Law Dispute: Key Case Involves Store That Didn’t Want To Sell Hanukah Products
The owner of Hobby Lobby is a good Christian but
It's not easy to try and ignore a
Stand that appears anti-Semitic. CEO David Green:
Would it kill you to sell a menorah?
(Mr. Green, one last thing. About your name. It's ... kinda
Jewish. Shouldn't you have arranged by now
To have done something about that? I'm totally fahklumpt
That you haven't already changed it by now.)
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Murdoch Execs Now On Trial Had An Affair, Murdoch's Ex-wife Rumored To Have Had Fling With Tony Blair
How fitting that these three ruthless people whose daily lives
Were spent sweating over constant deadlines
About the rich and famous misbehaving would later wind up
As salacious fodder for tabloid headlines.
Friday, November 22, 2013
This Major General had a colorful life:
Nowadays he'd be a Birther.
His ultra-conservative views then just
Made him a John Bircher.
His politics got Walker reassigned.
The next move for this reptilian
Guy was resigning so he could do
What he wanted as a civilian.
In '62 in news that was broadcast
All across the nation,
He organized Mississippi protests
But this isn't the only reason Walker's famous:
What happens still perplexes
On an April night about a year or so later when
Walker was living in Texas.
Long story short, someone took a shot
Which intended to be hitting
Walker, who at that moment was at a
Desk in his dining room sitting.
But he was lucky: the bullet grazed him
After smashing a window frame.
The gunman's aim eventually improved
And he gained a measure of fame
When seven months later --- let's call it
The month of November ---
He fired some other bullets in Dallas, the
Details of which you may remember.
Our world would have been far better served
In a way that would unequivocally matter
If Oswald's shooting had been more effective
In the former incident instead of the latter.
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Trey Radel is doing the right thing --- perhaps
Normalcy can be restored here.
Addiction is not an easy cross to bear. (Insert
Punch line about Rob Ford here.)
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Having wreaked world-wide havoc with their greed
I'm confused what the onus is
For guys like CEO Jamie Dimon who still has his job
And is still collecting bonuses.
Monday, November 18, 2013
If he looks to reality TV and decides this is
Where he wants to be cashing in
On his current fame, he could easily become
A real threat to every Kardashian.
Sunday, November 17, 2013
By taking this position, Cornelius Gurlitt
Signals he’s ready for a brawl
Having had himself painted into a corner
By Picasso, Matisse & Chagall.
Friday, November 15, 2013
Emergency Powers In Case Of Natural Disaster Are Taken From Rob Ford, Given To Toronto’s Deputy Mayor
This is a good and necessary idea and they
Should've done it even faster:
In related news, isn't it fair to say that Ford
Is already a "natural disaster?"
Abolishing their labor camps? Ah, c'mon --- really?
What a girly man thing to do!
What's next, allowing some couples to have two kids?
(They're letting that happen, too.)
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Genevieve Sabourin --- now that
You've been hauled in
To jail, I have two words for you:
A bitter man who's past his prime. Many folks
Can't believe he's still working ---
His latest bid for attention is nothing more than
A columnist's version of twerking.
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
The cars, buildings & passers-by are colorless & old.
She's young & exuberant in ways that are various
As her long hair floats through the air with abandon
In this accidental trailer for the Age of Aquarius.
Why The Obamacare Web Site Probably Not Working Right By November 30th (As Promised) Is Not Exactly A Surprise
They underestimated the time it would take to fix it
Like a friend who insists that they won't be long
Just fifteen minutes late for dinner because saying
It's more like forty-five minutes sounds so wrong.
A photo op like that, my God, what
You get a chance to see does
Remind you a Bobblehead has more
Credibility than he does.
Readers have lashed out at Wolf Blitzer --- he was
Totally stunned, although in
All fairness the dismay from people is just because
He looks like Richard Cohen.
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Now It Hits Me Why "60 Minutes" On-Air Discussion Of Their Controversial Benghazi Segment Was So Weird
Lara Logan's explanation was very carefully worded
Hiding any details embarrassing or gory:
It seems that far more effort was put into her apology
Than was spent investigating this story.
Promoting New Book, Sarah Palin Compares The Government Borrowing From Other Countries To … Slavery?
Her disconnect was more absurd than usual here
(In case any of you might have missed this)
Her nasty speech was promoting "Good Tidings &
Great Joy: Protecting The Heart Of Christmas."
Monday, November 11, 2013
The curious aspect
Of this belief
Is the orthodoxy
Sunday, November 10, 2013
This scandal --- like Dan Rather's --- is bound to result
In changes of the program's staffing.
My guess is he hasn't weighed in yet simply because
He's been unable to stop laughing.
Actual soldiers may disagree with this claim
And tell Cruise to shove it:
Another case of jumping the couch? Nah, it's
Paragliding high above it.
Friday, November 8, 2013
Let's not even begin to discus the mayor's
Massive problem with overeating
And hope someone soon can drive his mother
To the nearest Al-Anon meeting.
Jim Bequette’s credibility there?
He no longer had a shred. Start
The rumor that all the magazine
Finally gave him was a head start.
Has Colorado's Jeffrey Hare totally lost his mind?
I bet he thinks the Unabomber's shack was way too
Many British Papers Covering The Murdoch Phone Hacking Trial End Their Stories By Saying, “The Trial Continues”
So proper, so English, so curious
That this is occurring:
Totally unnecessary and yet also
Thursday, November 7, 2013
This is one ugly and nasty video
A fact that's clear pronto:
It's like a deranged Chris Farley
Is the mayor of Toronto.
Jim Bequette had guts to write that piece and for
That should be admired --- at
The present he’s far less worried about being fired
Than he is about being fired at.
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
I izz sew tiredd ov thee govrnmint telllin me wwhut too ddo.
Thhey kin all jus go rite too helll.
Furst theey wiill taik all our gunz aaand yeew no whats next?
Tellin uss hou to speek andd spel.
Some top strategist still seething this morning
(Unshaven and hung over in his robe)
Pulled himself --- and his party --- together and
Started a fact-finding transvaginal probe.
It claims his attire was informal there ---
A windbreaker and jeans and sneakers.
It wasn’t even at one of his kids’ schools:
He just wanted to yell at some teachers.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Sure, I care that Doug Ford’s admitted to smoking crack
And that to Canada he’s a one-man plague
But I’m just as bothered that he looks like a shop teacher
Who got kicked to the curb by Jenny Craig.
Such prearranged fights with deadly weaponsHave a merit that is exemplary:
However, of course, this only applies if you
Are living in the 15th century.
Monday, November 4, 2013
Mr. Schmidt, some of us feel the same way, too, but
Perhaps you never had one misgiving
About Google Earth posting many detailed pictures
Of the places we happen to be living.
I could elaborate, however, I have something else to do.
Full disclosure: I oughta warn ya
I'm off to Google Earth to check out that home you may
Still have in Atherton, California.
Sunday, November 3, 2013
His long and winding journey? Let's
See what happened to Bernie Goetz.
Shooting punks left New York reeling, he'd
Now seem far happier simply dealing weed.
The first headline about this in The Guardian sounded like
Working out was a lethal chore ---
It conveyed an altogether unintended meaning by saying,
"Exercise Nearly Led To Nuclear War."
Friday, November 1, 2013
Why would he decide to make this move right now?
I’d bet if you ran it by him
He’d admit because Germany is a much nicer place
Than Russia to seek asylum.
My guess is if we look a little closer at some
Of these alleged offenders
We’ll find not only hate group ties but also
Belts as well as suspenders.