Thursday, May 5, 2016

Trump Implied Cruz’s Dad Knew Lee Harvey Oswald And Was Somehow Involved In The JFK Assassination

Ultra-conservatives all hate the Kennedys, so this
This should’ve been manna
From heaven and help Ted to pull off a stunning
Upset in Indiana.

Trump Tactics To Look Forward To In The General Election

Hillary’s a lesbian. In
Addition, she’s a pagan.
She shot MLK & also
Winged Ronald Reagan.

Hillary killed Harvey Milk
And invented LSD.
Did I mention she green-lit
“Godfather III?”

Hillary’s deep in the pocket of
Evil Arab Sheiks.
It was her idea alone to cancel
“Freaks & Geeks.”

Hillary wrote many songs for Creed
(For reals, that’s no joke.)
In addition, she created the awful
Formula for New Coke.

Hillary made secret recent deals
To invest in Havana.
She caused the car accident that
Killed Lady Diana.

Hillary was behind Prince’s OD
She was Mandela’s jailer ---
She even found time to edit the
New “Ghostbusters” trailer.


Thursday, April 28, 2016

Why Should Dennis Hastert’s Age And Poor Health Lessen His Punishment?

He ruined the lives of the boys he molested
And left them all with permanent scars ---
So, why shouldn’t his golden years be ruined
By an open-ended stay behind prison bars?

If Mr. Hastert’s in need of a sympathetic ear,
I have no doubt he might very
Well find one in Mr. Sandusky. (The link here
Is where Dennis can write Jerry.)


Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Cure For Insomnia

What are the three most 
Sleep-inducing words of all?
Obviously, that would have
To be “Kasich Town Hall.”

Sunday, March 20, 2016

The Tricky Road To The White House

Desperate politicians think
The right direction
Is feeding into voters’ fears
And disaffection.

Which voters, you may ask?
Most times, the right guys
To do this with would have
To be older white guys.

Nixon, back in the day, made
This a priority
By tailoring his message to the
Silent Majority

Which is what Trump does now.
Foes fear they’re dead meat
If they can’t come up with some
Comparable red meat.

But any honest GOP strategist in
Quiet moments panics:
He knows they can’t win without
Women & Hispanics.

They watch The Donald rant and rave
While knowing it’s an absurd act.
Old white men aren’t enough --- he’ll
Have trouble with his third act.



Wednesday, March 16, 2016

What Trump's Supporters Mean When They Say, "He's Just Like Us"

We love Toby Keith but rest assured
We sure don’t like Enya.
We can’t stand uppity Obama: c’mon!
He was born in Kenya.

We triumph over all of our enemies
Wherever we face ‘em ---
These colors don’t run (but coloreds
Do whenever we chase ‘em.)

We’d like to drive over late light comics
With an incredibly fast car.
We are not fans of cop-hating Beyoncé
But we love our NASCAR.

We love America from the vast prairies
To the tall mountain ridges.
We love the idea of building walls but
We hate “building bridges.”

We don’t even like women, especially
Those who have to wear Spanx.
We don’t appreciate it when Muslims
Work as tellers in our banks.

We think Larry the Cable Guy’s hilarious
We love beans --- and even beaners
(But only when they’re getting beat up on
“Cops” or working at our cleaners.)

To make our great nation
Great again
It just needs to be white &
Straight again.


Monday, March 7, 2016

Was Being Endorsed By Former Michigan Senator Donald Riegle Something That Bernie Sanders Actually Needed?

Let’s be honest --- there really aren’t that many people
Who remember Riegle still alive.
He’s perhaps best known for an affair with an assistant
And being one of the Keating Five.