Thursday, May 21, 2015

The Final Scorecard On Letterman vs. Leno



To late-night heights
These two men hiked:
Dave wound up beloved
Jay wound up beliked.


http://cdn.splitsider.com/…/…/2013/11/Leno-and-Letterman.jpg

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Dear Texas,


The cat’s out of the bag and the reality
Will hit you like hundreds of tons.
Everything you feared is coming true:
Yankees are coming for your guns!


We want to take all of your rifles and
Then we’ll grab your pistols
And if you like to tweek, we’ll sneak
Off with your meth crystals.

We’ll take possession of your barbeque
As we’ll playfully put “y’alls”
Into our conversation --- did I mention
Swiping your favorite footballs?

We’ll commandeer your beer and as
We commence to hiccup
Will decide that we oughta hotwire
And speed off in your pickup.

We’ll replace your Toby Keith CDs
With ones done by Enya.
God bless Barack Hussein Obama
Who was born in Kenya!

http://talkingpointsmemo.com/live…/chuck-norris-jade-helm-15

 

Monday, May 4, 2015

Santorum Says We Should Love And Accept Jenner


This sounds compassionate but isn’t. Let’s get real ---
C'mon, Rick's enough of a smarty
To do this because Bruce came out as a conservative
Member of the Republican Party.


The other reason that former Senator Santorum has
Decided not to keep a lid
On his reaction to Jenner is that he’s likely to make
Another presidential bid.

Cutting to the chase, Rick hopes
To engender hope
When attempting to corner the
Transgender vote.

Rick, you and compassion are a bad mix. A great
Many people would be quite clear it
Doesn’t work. Emimen could join a barbershop
Quartet but who’d want to hear it?

Hold on: you clarified your comments. You didn’t mean
A policy change, just sympathy for Bruce.
Phew! Thank God there isn’t a warm and fuzzy Santorum
Really out in the world and running loose.

http://www.msnbc.com/…/santorum-clarifies-surprising-remark…

 

Friday, May 1, 2015

Christie Crony Claims The GWB Closing Was Retaliation Against An Uncooperative Mayor


Brainy --- but doughy --- nerd boy David Wildstein
Is now officially Christie’s nemesis:
His testimony will insure the Governor won’t ever
Live on The White House premises.

The insult to injury irking Christie the most that
Bridge-gate fanatics can’t dismiss is
That Wildstein in the interim lost lots of weight
And is now far thinner than Chris is.

http://www.nytimes.com/…/christie-ally-expected-to-plead-gu…

 

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

A Change In The Landscape


I have a Facebook pal in England.
What I’d recently done
Was send John this piece I wrote
About my autistic son.


After doing this, I suddenly felt
My anxiety increase.
I thought, “Hold on: why did I
Email him that piece?”

We usually just send each other poems
And his are invariably great. To
My dismay, I suddenly thought this was
Something he wouldn’t relate to.

Well, it turns out that John’s daughter
Recently made it clear
That working with autistic children is
Going to be her career.

*

Autism once was something I would mention
Which as details unfurled
Would set me apart from friends and strangers
And the rest of the world.

But the condition’s ubiquity now has
Altered that situation:
Everybody knows somebody who is
Part of this population.

The unavoidable connections manage to make
Me feel anything but forsaken.
Here’s your six degrees of separation update:
Autism is the new Kevin Bacon.

 

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Were Baltimore High School Students Thinking About A Movie That Imagines A Temporary Suspenion Of All Laws?


It’s unclear how true this allegation is but
Turn on your TV
And you can now get an exclusive preview
Of “The Purge 3.”