PeyserPoem

A Thought About That Video Of Witherspoon’s DUI-Related Arrest

noreply@blogger.com (tonypeyser) — Mon, 06 May 2013 17:07:00 +0000

When Reese says, “Do you know
My name?” (which I love a lot)
She’s indignant. It’s not because
She’s so drunk that she forgot.

Attention All High School Students In Chechnya Who Don’t Hate America

noreply@blogger.com (tonypeyser) — Fri, 19 Apr 2013 15:07:00 +0000

You planned to come here for college:

You studied hard, didn’t get loaded.

Well, you need right now go to Plan B

Because your Plan A just exploded.

http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/04/19/17824210-suspects-in-marathon-bombings-are-brothers-authorities-say?lite

Mark Thatcher

noreply@blogger.com (tonypeyser) — Mon, 08 Apr 2013 20:40:00 +0000

Mark --- who was so often regarded

As a bit of a ninny ---

With others in 2004 tried to overthrow

Equatorial

New Guinea

This particular country was picked

If memory serves

Not for beauty but because of vast

Oil & gas reserves.

He paid a pretty enormous fine and then

Avoided jail.

(Having lots of money comes in handy

If coups fail.)

Having connections is also essential whenever

Attempting something sinister.

If you haven’t guessed, his mummy once was

England

’s Prime Minister.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2004_Equatorial_Guinea_coup_d%27%C3%A9tat_attempt

Rutgers Fires Basketball Coach Mike Rice After Viral Video Reveals Bullying & Abusive Slurs

noreply@blogger.com (tonypeyser) — Wed, 03 Apr 2013 19:41:00 +0000

The besieged Rice has expressed belated
Contrition as he swiftly switches
Gears to spend more time with his family:
I bet he calls them “sissy bitches.”

Rage like this is toxic and in its own
Special way kind of obscene:
It’s also tough to be a badass when
You look like Mister Bean.

http://apnews.myway.com/image/20130403/Rutgers_Rice_Basketball.sff_NY175_20130403121601.html?date=20130403&docid=DA5E6I503

Parking Up The Wrong Tree

noreply@blogger.com (tonypeyser) — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 11:51:00 +0000

April is National Poetry Month and Autism Awareness Month.

Since I’m a poet, have a son with autism and also know how to

multi-task, I always write a poem to celebrate both topics.

I parked right behind this mini-mall ---

It’s upscale and not at all sleazy

That offers a trifecta of pleasure: Peet’s,

Einstein Bros. and Fresh & Easy.

Before we got out for a snack, I thought:

My son Jeremy & I now are

Just a couple of guys out in the world

Casually relaxing in our car.

Jeremy gave me a fist bump & I recalled

Time that I spent with my Dad.

He didn’t notice what happened next ---

He was too absorbed in his iPad.

A well-to-do mom with several little ones

Sped up in her SUV

Sighed like a bad community theater actor

And then glared at me.

“You know,” she hissed through her open window

Pointing at my grown-up son,

“That spot is only supposed to be used by people

With children who are young.”

I did know this because there was a sign

Maybe ten feet from my face

Explaining the special people entitled to

Park in this particular place.

I told her, “My son’s autistic.” This fact

Sliced into her complaint like a knife.

“So, he’s pretty much going to be a child

For pretty much the rest of his life.

That’s the reason I’m parking here. I hope

I’m clearly explaining my view.”

Simultaneously shocked and also stunned

She now didn’t know what to do.

She began mumbling some kind of response.

I let this go on for a few

Moments, smiled and then asked her politely,

“Is this okay with you?”

Now more humiliated, she said sure it was.

Aware how badly she’d blundered

She then raced off faster than a car trying to

Finish the last lap at the Indy 500.

I’m sure our chat made an impact on her like

Being pelted by a fistful of rocks

And she realized how truly lucky she was for

At least two or maybe three blocks.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/athomeinscottsdale/2739706246/in/photostream/

Justice Scalia Wonders If Same-Sex Parents Are Harmful To Children

noreply@blogger.com (tonypeyser) — Wed, 27 Mar 2013 13:51:00 +0000

His daughter, Ann, was booked for child endangerment

In 2007 --- my, my, my.
The other charge that came up during that traffic incident
Was, if memory serves, a DUI.

You really do have to think about how she was raised ---
Being a fair guy, this usually forbids
Leaping to conclusions but maybe different-sex parents like
Antonin & Ann aren’t good for kids.

http://articles.latimes.com/2007/feb/15/nation/na-briefs15.6

Four Hikers Fall In Eaton Canyon, One Dies

noreply@blogger.com (tonypeyser) — Mon, 25 Mar 2013 13:01:00 +0000

(I live near a popular hiking spot in Altadena, California where nearly

every weekend some hapless nature lover gets hurt and then has to be

rescued. This situation is now beyond out of control.)

I’m so sick of reading headlines like that one

That I’m willing to be the front man

To suggest the bottoms of the waterfalls there

Need air bags as used by a stunt man.

If those were installed, when someone stumbles

And then rapidly plummets earthward, a call

To paramedics could probably be avoided since

Something would be there to break their fall.

Some of you may scoff at this notion and perhaps

Have already begun derisive smirking

But, seriously, is this idea any worse than what’s

In play now that’s clearly not working?

http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-ln-eaton-canyon-fatality-20130322,0,2750308.story?track=rss&utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+lanowblog+%28L.A.+Now%29

Our Planet Is 80 Million Years Older Than Previously Believed

noreply@blogger.com (tonypeyser) — Sun, 24 Mar 2013 20:15:00 +0000

Things have gone so Hollywood:

Yes, we’ve reached the stage

Where even Mother Earth has

Been lying about her age.

http://www.thedailybeast.com/cheats/2013/03/21/earth-80-million-years-older-than-thought.html

In Bill O’Reilly’s Divorce, He’s Strong-arming Church To Claim Marriage Never Happened

noreply@blogger.com (tonypeyser) — Thu, 21 Mar 2013 11:44:00 +0000

If he’s able to do this, the fallout

He can’t avoid

Is having to rename his children

Null and Void.

http://gawker.com/5990571/bill-oreillys-divorce-is-so-ugly-god-got-involved

Singer Michelle Shocked Shocks Fans With Onstage Anti-Gay Rant

noreply@blogger.com (tonypeyser) — Wed, 20 Mar 2013 12:16:00 +0000

Many clubs who’d booked her now

Insist she’ll never be back ---

Her only new gig will be appearing

This time next year at CPAC.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/2013/mar/19/michelle-shocked-anti-gay-rant

The Vatican Big Shots Who Call The Shots

noreply@blogger.com (tonypeyser) — Thu, 14 Mar 2013 11:21:00 +0000

How do all of those pedophile

Priests label them?
Cardinals are the guys who’ll

Always enable them.

Putting Old Pictures Into The Favorite Things You’ve Read

noreply@blogger.com (tonypeyser) — Wed, 13 Mar 2013 13:38:00 +0000

This form of safe-keeping

Creates a curious amalgam

That transforms any book

Into a photo album.

But this 20^th century habit

Has begun to dwindle

As more people turn to

e-readers like Kindle.

*

Yet the makers all of

These digital devices

May eventually realize

Precisely how nice is

*

This habit and find ways

For snapshots you took

To be inserted into your

Kobo Glo or Nook.

One Of The Seven Delhi Gang Rape & Murder Suspects Kills Himself In Jail

noreply@blogger.com (tonypeyser) — Mon, 11 Mar 2013 20:54:00 +0000

This was the right thing to do.

So,

Now it’s one down and six to

Go.

http://www.reuters.com/video/2013/03/11/india-gang-rape-suspect-commits-suicide?videoId=241561980&videoChannel=117760

North Korea Declares 1953 Armistice Invalid, Threatens To Bomb U.S.

noreply@blogger.com (tonypeyser) — Mon, 11 Mar 2013 12:59:00 +0000

It’s uneasy to see such

Hostility showing.

All I can say is: Dennis

Rodman, nice going.

http://apnews.myway.com/article/20130311/DA4UQB900.html

Bieber Screams "I'll Beat The F**ck Out Of You!" At Photographer

noreply@blogger.com (tonypeyser) — Sun, 10 Mar 2013 22:34:00 +0000

He’s tiny, super cute and when
The paparazzi en masse are sicced
On Justin, you can bet he will get
His Canadian asterisk kicked.

http://www.tmz.com/2013/03/08/justin-bieber-fight-photog-bouncers-london-video/

Hugo Chavez Is Dead

noreply@blogger.com (tonypeyser) — Wed, 06 Mar 2013 16:04:00 +0000

If Sean Penn attends the funeral, right wingers

Will feel this is unholy.

I’m hoping he goes but only if he decides to

Show up as Jeff Spicoli.

http://diamondbag.tripod.com/images/spicoli2.jpg

Sign That Emeritus Pope Benedict Wants To Start Dating

noreply@blogger.com (tonypeyser) — Tue, 05 Mar 2013 17:00:00 +0000

I saw a photo of him & knew that ring

He wanted to toss his hat in:

His email was on his mitre along with

“Call me maybe” in Latin.

Postcards From Victory Park (Vol. 3)

noreply@blogger.com (tonypeyser) — Sat, 02 Mar 2013 16:10:00 +0000

From under ten to nearly twenty, they’re lured

By some sports-loving siren:

Year-round here it seems that baseball is being

Played on every diamond.

As my son and I walk by them on a daily basis

I wouldn’t call it coincidental

That the coaches are drilling into their players

Every kind of fundamental.

“Infielders! Don’t let ground balls get past you!

That can cost you a game!

Outfielders! Make sure you catch it before you

Throw it! Work on your aim!”

The kids have done the drills dozens of times and

Some seem a bit upset --- it

Is like they want to tell their coaches, “We know

This stuff & won’t forget it.”

On one field on the following Saturday afternoon

We couldn’t help quickly becoming aware

A real game was being played and we learned why

Coaches are going gray or losing their hair.

It was impossible for anyone watching to ignore

What had just occurred ---

An awful throw to first was followed by an even

More wretched one to third.

This made one coach apoplectic. He jumped up and down

And was loudly squawking about.

When Casey Stengel said, “Can’t anybody play this game?”

This is what he was talking about.

Why The Pope’s Incredibly Abrupt Departure Is Unsettling

noreply@blogger.com (tonypeyser) — Wed, 27 Feb 2013 16:42:00 +0000

What causes many Catholics

Around the world so much worry

Is that it smacks of, “Here’s

Your mitre --- what’s your hurry?”

Political Bumper Stickers I’d Like To See

noreply@blogger.com (tonypeyser) — Tue, 26 Feb 2013 20:06:00 +0000

So far this is the only one I’ve got ---

I’M A WHITE RACIST AND I VOT.

Tony Peyser’s 2013 Oscar Picks

noreply@blogger.com (tonypeyser) — Mon, 25 Feb 2013 00:43:00 +0000

Best Picture: Amour

Best Actor: Denzel Washington

Best Actress: Naomi Watts

Best Supporting Actor: Alan Arkin

Best Supporting Actress: Helen Hunt

How could I have been so wrong?

I’m in need of a little consoling ---

(My researcher was also in charge

Of Mitt Romney’s internal polling.)

Vatican Dismisses Gay Conclave Report

noreply@blogger.com (tonypeyser) — Sat, 23 Feb 2013 15:56:00 +0000

My guess is that this claim may be just a bit

Inaccurate & I would prefer to dub

The group as more like the Pope’s version of

The He-Man Woman Haters Club.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBIC8JTQMMQ

Two Poems In Honor Of Hollywood & The 2013 Academy Awards

noreply@blogger.com (tonypeyser) — Thu, 21 Feb 2013 21:36:00 +0000

Fallout From Ben Affleck Not Receiving

A Directing Nomination For “Argo”

He’ll get that Oscar down the road

As a gimme --- really.

Even if he decides to take the helm

On a sequel to “Gigli.”

How Melissa McCarthy Should Respond To Rex

Reed’s Nasty Comments About Her Weight

Take him out to some old school L.A. restaurant after sending

An invite that’s a handwritten note:

Be very demure but then (like she often did in “Identity Thief”)

Suddenly punch him in the throat.

Ranger 8 --- 48 Years Ago Today

noreply@blogger.com (tonypeyser) — Thu, 21 Feb 2013 02:35:00 +0000

Used in an unmanned 1965 mission, it took

Over 7,000 photographs and

After transmitting them, it then crashed into

The moon as had been planned.

At least that’s what NASA told us --- I have

Been doing a little thinking

And wonder (although I lack any proof) if the

Spacecraft had been drinking.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ranger_8

Director, Stars Of “Silver Linings Playbook” Will Reunite For Abscam Movie

noreply@blogger.com (tonypeyser) — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 21:04:00 +0000

My favorite scoundrel in that undercover sting

Was Florida Congressman Richard Kelly.

He took 25 grand. His behavior showed he had

The guile but not the skill of Machiavelli.

This emerged especially when he insisted that

What was going on in this whole situation

Wasn’t what it looked like --- he was actually

Conducting his own undercover operation.

Caught on tape stuffing money into his pockets

Kelly asked, “Does it show?” That

Revealed how crooked Eighties politicians said,

“Does this bribe make me look fat?”

http://www.deadline.com/2013/02/jennifer-lawrence-casting-david-o-russell-abscam-movie/