Monday, October 29, 2012

Justin Timberlake’s Rich Pal Who Sells Houses Made A Wedding Video Mocking People Who Don’t Have A House

Justin Huchel is this idiot’s name
He’s someone we can really hate
Who gives us yet another reason
To loathe people in real estate.

Friday, October 26, 2012

Serial Molester Jimmy Savile's Coffin Is Encased In Concrete --- Allegedly For Two Reasons

One was so no one would be able to open the grave.
The other? The situation
Was so the planned memorial to be put on top would
Have a secure foundation.

I just don’t buy those explanations and when
All is done and said
He was simply a perverted bastard who knew
How to plan ahead.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

At The Last Debate, The Mitt-Dr. Evil Connection

Every time that Obama criticized him,
Mitt desperately tried to nip it
In the bud by talking over him. I was
Waiting for him to say, “Zip it!”

Monday, October 22, 2012

Cycling Legend Stripped Of All His Tour de France Titles

Lance Armstrong's career
Now is so checkered
That he can't even keep a
Sheryl Crow record.

I Have No Position On This Poem

The editor of The Atlanta-Journal Constitution
The day before the final debate
Told NPR for three years his paper has not
Endorsed any candidate.

Kevin Riley did lots of research & he claimed
Readers wanted partitions
Between all the events that papers cover daily
And any political positions.

This is the direction papers should go, i.e.
Movie critics reviewing should
Mention the cast & the plot but never if a
Film is either bad or good.

What a new and exciting time for journalism
When no longer in their dominion
Is the need (for fear of offending readers or
Advertisers) to have an opinion.

Yup, this sure is a golden era for each and
Every newspaper institution:
The framers would be proud The Atlanta-
Journal has no constitution.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Sexual Abuse In The Boy Scouts Is Comparable To The Priest Molesting Scandals

Maybe what the besieged Scouts need
To not feel in such a lurch
Is to boldly pursue a possible merger
With the Catholic church.

It could prove beneficial for both groups
To become a joined community:
The act of communion could now provide
Both grace and also immunity.

Friday, October 19, 2012

Anti-Obama Activist’s Affair Ends His Presidency At NYC Christian College

I’m sure all his higher-ups at this school
Didn’t want to lose a
Right-wing mouthpiece as distinguished
As Mister D’Souza.

Alas, it appears he has a new squeeze but
Is still, you know, married: sheesh!
If a shorter leash had been used by the Mrs.
You’d still have that job, Dinesh.

You did so cherish telling each and every Democrat
To --- essentially --- just shove it:
Too bad you forgot about the commandments, i.e.
The one that suggests not to covet.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

After The Last Debate, Tagg Romney Threatened President Obama

I’m not a violent man but I sure
Would get in the ring with him.
You heard me right: Mitt’s son?
I’d like to take a swing at him.

I’ll knock him out and then gesture
Triumphantly in the air
And as a shout-out to his old man,
I’ll cut off all Tagg’s hair.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

More Thoughts About The Second Debate

I recall playing tennis in high school and knowing
There was just no way to confuse it:
Even though I’d won a watch, the real truth was
My opponent found a way to lose it.

This came to mind watching the Hofstra debate.
The first one? I now knew it
Had been a case where Mitt hadn’t really won
But Obama simply blew it.

This was accentuated then by Mitt’s aggression
But Barack got his might back
In Round 2 when instead of being fair & polite
He knew he had to fight back.

Obama possesses that coveted momentum and
In their upcoming last fight
His opponent will be swinging even more wildly
Than he was doing last night

And as Mitt desperately tries to make contact
His prospects will start to teeter:
He’ll need a knockout sooner than later because
Time’s running out on his meter.

The Second Presidential Debate

Mitt got hit
Often & hard.
Obama (booyah!)
Played the 47% card.

Romney support
Still isn’t brimmin’
With binders
Full of women.

His Benghazi boo-boo
Was a major no-no ---
His homies winced &
Must’ve cried, “Oh, no!”

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Question I’d Ask Mitt At Tonight’s Presidential Debate

You famously told those fat cats in Boca Raton
You don’t have 47% of the nation’s back:
You later denied this. If you lied then, shouldn’t
You give those folks their donations back?

Sunday, October 14, 2012

I Hope Someone’s In A Car Behind Endeavor Unaware Of Its Historic (But Slow) Journey Across Los Angeles

He’s running late, can’t stop glaring at the shuttle and
In no way does approve. It.
Makes him crazy, he beeps and he yells, “C’mon, pal!
Pick up the speed! Move it!”

Friday, October 12, 2012

Late-Breaking Thought Regarding Paul Ryan & The VP Debate

He was like a nervous Catholic school kid
Ordered to go to confessional:
He didn’t seem especially presidential, or for
That matter, even congressional.

Early Thursday Evening

I was startled by all of this awful screeching
And wondered who might be at fault.
Then I realized it was just the skidding tires
Of Mitt’s momentum coming to a halt.

The pundit class loves mocking Biden ---
(He’s a blurter! He might be infirm!)
All Joe did last night was make it look like
Barack will get to have a second term.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Southern California Weather Update

After two months of 100+ temperatures
I now have many reasons
To think that the time has finally come to
Reconfigure the seasons.

Fall will pack its bags, then hail a cab and take over
January, December and also November.
Winter will splinter into February, March and April.
(In time, this will get easier to remember.)

Spring will relocate to May, June & July, a decision
Both well-intentioned and sober.
Summer will follow suit and now hang its hat during
August, September and October.

Some month names may change (Maypril, Decembruary)
But that may be confusing:
So, for the time being, it’s probably smart to just keep the
12 ones we’ve been using.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Sesame Workshop Asks Obama Campaign To Not Use Ads Featuring Its Characters

Are they trying to be fair to Mitt Romney
Who wants to kill PBS? OK, but
If that’s how they think, then maybe they
Should have their funding cut.

Sesame Street now should be getting tough
Not taking it and whining, “Ouch.”
More than Big Bird they need to get in touch
With their inner Oscar the Grouch.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Why (If I Win The Lottery) I Will Give USC $30 Million

This is on the level. I am absolutely telling the truth.
This isn’t just some half-assed, half-baked prophecy:
But Schwarzenegger’s think tank will be renamed the
Mildred Baena Institute for State and Global Policy.

Friday, October 5, 2012

Mitt (Way Too Late) Says His Leaked Comments Were “Completely Wrong”

Mitt now disavows his 47% speech
In its
Entirety, but he kept talking for 74

He was more eloquent than ever and
What’s caused him so much grief
Is most Americans (finally!) know each
Cherished Romney core belief.

Rove and Adelson raised millions & now must feel
Like absolute and total schmucks ---
They were undone by a cell phone camera that I bet
Cost less than a few hundred bucks.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Why Christie Will Never Be President

It’s not because Chris is so out of shape that he
Never could’ve been accepted in ROTC:
It’s because we don’t want a leader who looks
Like Corleone henchman, Luca Brasi.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

That Former Governor Of The Golden State (And Those Kinds Of Things)

Arnold relished lording it over everyone.
One of celebrity’s great gloaters ---
He was screwing the maid at the same time
Screwing over Cahl-ee-forn-ya voters.

After the damaging love child story came out
He was feeling on the brink. Sank
Twenty million into a vanity project to rescue
His image: his very own think tank.

Body-building, the Kennedys, Hollywood: one can
Resent the forces that spawned him.
All those muscles and all of that strength but oddly
Unable to lift a condom.

Monday, October 1, 2012

Boy Scouts Will Now Report Abusers Whose Child Molesting Was Previously Ignored

This went undetected for so long, one wonders
If in their memorabilia
Perhaps we’ll find secret merit badges handed
Out for pedophilia.